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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cheated with him and then dumped...how to help?

11 replies

Pollyputthekettleon32 · 27/04/2018 10:16

My friend is my age and had an affair with a man.
He left his wife but after 3 months dumped her.
Shit hit the fan when the wife was sending my friend nasty messages and the husband was sticking up for his wife.
I told my friend to move on and put that behind her,realise she made a mistake and move on.
Anyway the husband and wife got back together and told my friend to leave them alone.
They blocked my friend.
Now the husband and wife have split again and my friend said she “accidentally “ noticed he unblocked her ..so she messaged him and asked why etc ...
I’ve told her not to message him again but she’s saying he unblocked her for a reason etc
I’m worried she’s going to get even more hurt than she already is ..
How do I help her?
How can I get her to realise he doesn’t want her?

OP posts:
magoria · 27/04/2018 10:20

He unblocked her because she is better than nothing and until the next mug comes along.

More fool her.

Nothing you can say or do whilst she is in the middle of it.

hellsbellsmelons · 27/04/2018 10:21

YOU can't!!!
She has to realise it for herself.
She's being a total mug.
He will use her for sex and then move on again when something better comes along.
Just be there for her when the shit hits the fan again.

For now, I'd tell her that you don't agree with what she is doing.
She is harming herself here, and although you are her friend you do not want to hear about it.
You are happy to spend time with her but cheating dick wad is off the table as far as conversations or anything like that are concerned.
When she starts talking about it, again just re-iterate that you do not want to hear about it and change the subject.

Trinity66 · 27/04/2018 10:22

Meh she's an idiot, might teach her to stay away from married men in the future

AnyFucker · 27/04/2018 10:23

She's a grown woman. Leave her to it. You can't reason with stupid.

Pollyputthekettleon32 · 27/04/2018 10:23

He is a horrible man inside and out,he is vulgar,no respect for women and he is into all sorts of horrible things.
I actually hate him ..that’s harsh but true.
I don’t want to say he doesn’t want you and is using you as it will hurt but I’m thinking it

OP posts:
Confusicated · 27/04/2018 10:28

Separation - what’s reasonable

Togehther Over twenty years ,married and in hmjointly owned home most of that time.

One day one partner decides not to come home and takes kids to live at a friends leaving one partner completely she’ll shocked and in the family home with all the kids things.

There are obcmciousky practical things to be sorted such as finances, child care etc etc but 9 weeks down the line the kids are still comping in someone else’s house with their monther, and dad is sat on his own in the family home.

Dad (me) wants to discuss the situation firstly to work out what is best for kids and also to work our finances etc.

The empire, who left of her own free will, is seriously limiting access to the kids and hasn’t actually seen or spoken to her husband since.

Husband is heartbroken and confused, but if he tries to contact his wife he is accused of harassment.

She is also a director in the family firm so he needs her uni out to that.

How long can someone get away with simply ceasing all contact and claiming harassment when people try to discuss things like bis for which she is jointly liable.

Surely there comes a point where she has to communicate other than through lawyers?

Confusicated · 27/04/2018 10:29

Sorry wrong thread

mzcracker · 27/04/2018 11:33

He might be a horrible man, I fully believe he is but what does that make your friend that she was happy to shag him and collude with him in deceiving his wife.
Let her get on with it. This is, unfortunately for her, the fallout of getting involved with married men.
I have no sympathy.

Gemini69 · 27/04/2018 13:50

sadly you can't OP.... Flowers

SoapOnARoap · 27/04/2018 13:52

Whilst he sounds hideous, your friend hasn’t covered herself in glory here

SandyY2K · 27/04/2018 15:28

He is a horrible man inside and out,he is vulgar,no respect for women and he is into all sorts of horrible things.

Your friend chose to have an affair with him. What does that say about her?

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