Can’t pour from an empty cup anymore..

[Rubyritz]

I need to vent. I feel so fed up with my relationship. Maybe I need to be shaken but...

We’ve been together 9years and have 1DC.
I just feel like the whole time I have had to make majority of decisions and everything is left to me or expected that I will take care of it and I just am sick of it.

I just feel like he assumes I will do it or take care of it so he doesn’t bother. For example
I booked us a family holiday abroad and paid for it all with no contribution. He hasn’t offered to pay and I know money is tight but he doesn’t even try to save abit of money towards it.

I always look for things to do as a family otherwise we would just stay at home. I have to write a list of diy jobs that need doing round the house that I can’t do... yet he will take 3 months to do one job and I have to ask a thousand times.

He never really wants to do much with DS. He has to be prompted to take him out, play with him, buy him things ect.

He constantly moans to DS to tidy his room and wants all th toys downstairs away and not on show. I remind him it’s not a showhome. DS hates to play with toys and I believe it’s because DP moans at him for making a mess.

I’ve always been good with money. We bought our house but I paid a massive big contribution to it and he moaned when I wanted unequal assetts. He only saved a small bit of money even though he earned a lot more than me.

I gave him money towards buying a car, I buy him clothes because his has holes in or don’t fit, I contribute towards all of DS clubs and activities. Now I know I don’t have to buy clothes or things for him but then he would literally walk around with holes in his socks and the same scraggy boxers that’s hes owned for god knows how many years.

I just feel like I do all Of this but will never get it back or even a gesture. Its not even the money that matters it’s the emotional side of things that I would be happy with.

I was poorly in hospital a month ago and it was a very scary situation yet he didn’t even tell me that he loved me or was worried about loosing me. He didn’t even hold
My hand or touch me
He had a right moan at me when I was discharged from hospital because he almost tipped me out the wheelchair (on accident) and because I had ago at him about being careful he didn’t like that and said that I expect to much because he’s come to help me and I should be grateful.

I just feel like I can’t pour from an empty cup anymore. It feels to me he just takes and takes and takes and gives very little in return.

I don’t even no where I’m going with this but I just had to write it down for someone to see

Op, he is happy with you doing and paying for almost everything and all the promises in the world from him obviously mean sod all.
You have a choice for an equal and happier life that does not involve staying with him. You are financially independant and savvy enough to protect your assets, it is a mystery why the hell you are putting up with him.
My ex was very similar to yours, married for over 18 years and gradually got lazier and stingy with money - I got rid of him a year ago and life is much easier, less stressful, and my money is spent on me and dc only. I suspect you will manage perfectly well on your own.

I also got bitter and resentful, RubyRitz, I wasn't much fun to be around.

While it's important to be aware that you also play a role in your marriage problems, I think Dadaist is being a bit harsh. You have already said that you have allowed your DH's behaviour upthread. You are perfectly aware that it takes two.

It can be so very difficult to unravel patterns and behaviour that have been in place for years. You get to a point where there is no point in trying.