I thought I knew what rape meant

[WellDoneTiger]

Years ago, I was raped and I was horrified. I have only recently reported it.
I am finally getting divorced (hooray!) from a monstrous abuser.

His sexual techniques left things to be desired and he would often poke at my vagina with his penis to wake me up. I often woke up to his fingers in my vagina and remember well his fingernails. This has led to so many problems. I told him in 2012 that I didn't like being woken up like this and I moved to a different room. Needless to say nothing changed. He said it was his way of showing affection. I wanted to believe him.

He hasn't been physically close to me now for over 2 years since I told him I didn't like being groped when I was asleep. He flew at me, telling me it's his way of showing affection, that I am his wife, and that he would never touch me again.

I am getting terrible flashbacks of what my husband has done. Consent and him are not compatible. There are so many times when I have felt like a sex toy or worse.

I am on the waiting list for Rape Crisis counselling and have an ISVA. Just really struggling to articulate my husband's behaviour. His 'normal' doesn't fit with mine at all.

I'm sorry you went through this but maybe add a trigger warning to the title. Really hard to read, I'm also on the waiting list and it seems never ending. Do you have anyone else you can speak to in the meantime? I didn't tell anyone for years and found it really helped when I finally did. And well done for reporting and getting out. I hope you can put that monster behind you and finally be happy

I'll ask MN to stick a trigger warning on the title. Sorry to have upset you. Yesterday I spoke to the ISVA. The police have not yet spoken to my husband as I am still under the same roof and I feared it would make it more dangerous for me.

Can women's aid help? Well done for moving on, get out of there

When are you likely to get out of that house?

It is not normal, not by a long shot. What a bastard.

Womens Aid have been absolutely a life-saver. My husband lied to the police and had me arrested. I was told my everyone in the custody centre to make a statement. Eventually I made a video statement. I have since spoken to the PC dealing with this and he asked if I'd under-reported and I said yes I believe I have.

I have been asked to make another statement about the former rape. Going through this has not been easy. It was a once-off and I felt crushed and dirty afterwards.

Things with my husband have been different. It has been as though he has just taken and taken and taken so I have nothing to give. I have so often felt like a Thing with him. As though I'm not really important, just got convenient holes that he doesn't have to clean out afterwards. Sorry TMI.

He is still doing whatever he can to cause me harm. My mum died and he hasn't mentioned it. He said he was waiting for me to tell him. He has already been told by my dad and my uncle.

Can you leave?

The court has ordered that the house go on the market next month. Next week a company is coming to clean and clear the house. My husband refuses to lift a finger to help. Again I am looking into moving. It is difficult with animals. This time of year is probably easier.

I'm very sorry about your mum.

I'm actually encouraged to read your post Tiger. I cannot imagine how difficult things have been given the loss of your mum and the awful living circumstances....yet you have made progress. Getting the house cleared and on the market is a big step and I know from your posts it hasn't been easy.

Keep your eye on the goal. One day you'll be living a different life.

Thank you Chaos.

I've been given an appointment for Rape Crisis next week!! Yay! Now the digging can begin. This is maybe where it starts getting scary..

Also spoke to MASH social worker for a long time this afternoon about the situation and the children.

Next week is going to be mad. My husband will go out leaving the house to these people to clear. I have to go out for several hours at a time. It's not going to be easy.

I have decided to record conversations with my husband and if the children are not willing to help, I have told them that I will take photographs of the mess and record the conversations while they excuse themselves.

How old are your children?

does anyone in your Family or Friends know this happened to you and what you're enduring lovely

Is there no possibility of having him removed from the house with an occupation order and a non-molestation order?

One is a teenager, the other slightly younger.

My elder daughter is physically abusive towards me. She often sounds exactly the same as her dad when she gets cross. We had an argument about closing the car window. She told me that I was behaving like a child and that my behaviour was no way to resolve a dispute. I told her that it wasn't a dispute and that it was about her getting her own way.

I have been through the non-mol etc order with WA and my solicitor. Judges do not like kicking people out of their homes. Were the judge to decide to allow my husband to stay in the house, life would become even more dangerous, and I would also have lost £££££.

Right at the beginning my husband threatened me with a non-mol & occupation order. I don't think it was explained to him very well. By that time he had already lied to the police, and told his solicitor the kind of things he had done to me, blaming me.

Yes, my friends and family know what's going on. They all think my husband has a bolt loose. He has had the police called on him for threatening behaviour in the community.