Dreading the cost of a seperation

[Zoe64]

I have made the decision to legally separate from my DP (who is more like a DH as we've 2 children and been together 17 years!). Its been on the cards for donkeys years but I'd rather not deal with it until now. Basically the emotional abuse is too much and I am desperately unhappy.

The main reason why I've left it for so long is because I know that he will not go without making as much trouble as possible for me. I've tried talking to him, have asked him to come to counselling, have since tried insisting on mediation....but to no avail.
Therefore, I have no choice that I know of but to get a solicitor. Now, this is really worrying me. I have £2k only to pay for this. I know that he is gonna stand in my way every step. I think he has money put away to do this.
Does anyone have any experience of separating through a solicitor? I'm worried that £2k is not nearly going to cover it. Then what do I do?

Any advice would be fab - I am determined to go through with it this time!

I'm puzzled. Are you married? If not why do you need to pay to separate? If you are married, there is no such thing as a legal separation. However you reach an agreement about the separation of property and assets which baring you wining the lottery should be the final settlement in any divorce proceedings

What is it you need a solicitor for?
My ex was difficult about dividing the equity in our house, so I got a solicitor to write to him - I got legal aid, but it cost him £500 for his side.
Arrangements for the DCs maybe?
Go for a consultation with someone on the family law panel (or whatever it’s called) and ask for an estimate of costs.

If you read the OP she is not married (she says dp).

You’re not married so you’re not getting divorced, I can’t see why it would cost anything.

One of you will have to move out. Are you renting or do you own? Hopefully if you own you have your name on the deeds.

When a household breaks up, your incomes have to finance two households instead of one. That costs. Put your money towards that.

Put in a claim for child support if they’ll be living with you.

Just to clarify - we're not married but he will not agree to leave the house or sell the house. I cant just carry on living here with him like this.

Who owns the house?

You can agree a payment plan with your solicitor if you think it’s likely to cost you more than the 2k. I agreed a set amount to pay my solicitor as I couldn’t afford to clear it in one go. Just be open and upfront with them.

Do you want to stay in the house?

Just to correct Marie in saying there is no such thing as a legal separation when married

Ok...the judicial separation....is exactly as I said about. Sorting finances as well as child access is required. It doesn't separate you to the extent that you can't be divorced by your partner for adultery so you are not "legally"free to commit adultery...at least in the U.K. archaic divorce laws

In any event the OP isn't married...the issue is the house so I would suggest you move out and let him come to his senses. If one of you can't buy the other out then it is off to court to force s sale....but u less you have a stack of equity you may end up with not a lot left after legal fees. He would probably come to his senses

The house is in both our names.

I cant afford to move out with the children.

She’s NOT married. As she’s already said.

Are you joint tenants or tenants in common? If the former then first thing you could do yourself is to apply to the land registry to change the ownership to tenants in common. You do not need your partners permission but you do need to demonstrate that he's aware of your intentions. It changes little in practice but it means that if one of you dies your property does not automatically pass to your partner. Other benefit for me was that my ex partner demanded all the equity from the house on sale (we were joint owners with no agreement other than a joint split) , where this handily split the house into 50% shares so he didn't have a leg to stand on.

Read that back, didn't mean that to come across quite as morbid as it did, it's just a step you can take yourself which may give you a bit of control over what's happening. Hopefully demonstrating that you are taking action may force your ex to come to his senses. The other thing to consider is the emotional abuse you mentioned ; in some cases women are entitled to legal aid. I don't know much about that but perhaps go to a solicitor who offers free consultation and ask them about your options.

How old are the DC?

Also as he is abusive usually the council will help you rent provided you go ahead and force sake of the property.

I had a similar situation last year. Separated from partner after 17 years with a jointly owned home. Thankfully he agreed to move out if I would cover the mortgage solely (as he couldn't afford to rent and pay towards mortgage).
I did see a solicitor just to get some information on my right. Basically, if your ex refuses to move out and you can't afford to, you can apply to 'force the sale' of the property. I think its called an 'order of sale'.
I paid £100 for a consultation with a solicitor but some do this for free. I suggest you book an appointment ASAP. Perhaps when he realises you can actually force sale of the house, he might be more reasonable.
I really feel for you as this is a horrible situation but the sooner you set the ball in motion, the better.

Thanks for your advice. I will try an initial consultation with a solicitor. Its a strange situation that I am in - I know that we should discuss this together - but its a strange situation where he just refuses to speak to me about it.

What you need is a Consent Order. This is a legal document that deals with finances/assets (property) and childcare arrangements.

I am just at the end of my divorce and I used a company called Amicable, they are on line and very good and supportive and you can do a free on line chat to get some advice.