Sexual Orientation - Possible to change?

[NameChange121]

Hi,

Looking for a bit of advice,

I have been seeing this guy for just over 6 months, known him for around 3 years and we have been friends for around 2. From the age of 21 to around 30 he was openly gay (currently 32). For just over the past two and a half years he has said that he has only been with women, no longer has the desire to be with a man and is no longer attracted (From our friendship, I have met many of his previous female 'lovers', some being girlfriends that just didn't work out).

I don't have a problem with him being with men in the past, the past is the past however is it possible to have a complete shift in your sexual orientation later on in life or is he just living a lie and suppressing his true feelings? He is a lovely guy, kind and thoughtful however on occasion I've had a slight niggle with worry that one day I wont be enough as he will miss that male companionship and don't want to be leading myself into something that will end horrible for either of us.

He is eager, attentive, and made all the first moves. He did show signs of interest before we got together for around a year but because of his 'womanizing' ways I kept it polite and stayed clear. I trust him now with that side of things, just looking to see if anyone has had a similar experience?

I think it's fluid with some people. I have a similar mate, who's 30, has been with men mostly until now. The occasional woman not withstanding, but now he's actively searching for a woman for children. He claims it's fluid.

If he were happily gay and out and proud for many years, there is no reason why he’d suddenly be ashamed now and want to crawl back into the closet (that I can think of anyway.)

Sexuality is incredibly fluid and a lot of people have relationships with people of both sexes over the years. I dated someone a few years ago who is now ‘gay’.

Mine changed over the years from bi to full lesbian to very nearly full 'straight' no idea why it just did

I think he is probably bisexual, OP.

I am bisexual myself and go through what I call "phases" which are essentially shift in my attraction. Even though I am bi I am never attracted to both 50/50 there is always a gender I prefer above the other. Sometimes the attraction to the current gender I am into is so strong that it totally "erases" my attraction for the other one.

For example I have had phases of being solely attracted to men but for the last 3 years I have only been attracted to women, to the point that sometimes I wonder if I am not simply a lesbian (I know I am not) and it would be easy for me to identify as such just because I don't feel attracted to men right now but it doesn't make it true.

Nobody can become "gay" or turn back "straight" you can have lived a straight life and suddenly discover your sexuality is fluid, the same way you can have come out as gay and realize that actually you may also like women and see your attraction shift to prefer them over men but it doesn't change that your boyfriend has had satisfying ( to a certain point I assume) relationship with men for almost a decade so he can't suddenly be straight.

So yes it is possible that one day he will wake up and will feel his attraction shifting again because sexuality is fluid but if he loves you and is attracted to you it probably won't affect your relationship at all.

As someone who is bisexual your concerns of him missing the same-sex (or the opposite one in my case) is something I hear a lot from potential partners, and while I can see why someone might think this way and can't speak for him, I would say it's a non-issue.

Thank you for all your replies.

I was never a concern of mine, until everyone finds out about his past and it's the first thing they say!

Guess a bit of paranoia on my part as a result, but again - thank you all for taking the time to reply.