Am I a fool?

[Cheddarsmedders]

I’ve been “dating” a guy for a year and a half. It started VERY casually with neither of us looking for a relationship.

Over the last 6 months things changed. We’ve been spending 4/5 nights a week together. Including weekends away with some planned abroad etc.

This morning he told me he loves me (second time), he doesn’t want to see anyone else but doesn’t “know what he wants”.

I’ve said that after this long I expect some kind of commitment but what? I’m not even sure. I’m starting to wonder if he’s using me but it’s so loving when we are together.

I feel awful today. Lonely and rejected. Not even sure what I’m asking.

You clearly want him to be your boyfriend rather than someone who mentally is free.

So you tell him it's not working for you anymore, you clearly both now want different things, and wish him well.

If he really loves you he'll suggest a more committed formalised boyfriend /girlfriend relationship.

If he doesn't he'll wail and make lots of noise but tellingly will promise no immediate change to your public status.

Does sound like he is using you. Ask him out right could you see yourself spending the rest of your lives together? If not then I would think about moving on to someone else who can treat you right

You are his 'right now' person.
You are not his long term person.
Yes he is using you.
So what now for you?
Time to get out.
Time to tell him what you want and that you don't want the same things so it's time to part ways.

End it, he is telling you loud and clear he does not see you good enough, you are ok the now until he actually meets someone he does know what he wants, utter crap, he's using you.

I agree with them two, your his current partner but not his long term/forever partner. Find someone who deserves you!

OP - you can of course throw all your toys up in the air and put him through a test.
But - you are even sure yourself what you really want...

Realistically - you haven’t been ‘together’ for that long.
As you said - first year of this - neither of you wanted a relationship.

And then it started changing slowly. And only a few months since you’ve been spending more time together.
And just said your ‘I love you/s’

What’s the rush? This started as a low burning sort of relationship. Why not let it develop and see where it goes.

He told you he loved you today. Let yourself be happy.
And, in addition - think about what sort of ‘commitment’ you think you want.
A FB ‘in relationship’ status? Instagram pics holding hands?
Meeting each other’s friends?

You are unhappy because he didn’t offer you something you can’t yet define. So - define it first.

Yup, he ain't mr right, he's mr right now. He's basically told you.

I think you probably need to end it and let him think about what he wants. Whilst your available to him it's too easy to keep doing this.

You're not a fool but you've caught feelings for someone who's not showing you the sort of commitment you want so you probably are best off ending it now otherwise it will hurt more in the long run.

how you feel can also be a gut reaction to the actual truth: don't dismiss it OP.

I'm sorry but it sounds like he is keeping you hanging on until "something better" comes along.

End it now before you end up badly hurt. If he does really love you then he will fight to keep you and his actions will speak louder than words?

Out of curiosity have you met his family and friends?

if you walk away, he might realise what he really wants
or he won't
either way you'll know your answer.
and do you really want to be with someone you forced to make a choice? I mean I know a lot of guys who that's happened to, and they seem happy, they just needed a jolt in the right direction.