Hi. I'm actually not sure where to post this but the general problem is my ex who is suddenly trying to destroy my life.
A few years ago during a time when DH and I were going through a bad time and we separated for a while I had a fling. DH knows this and, although he wasn't happy we sorted it out and have been moving forward. One thing he insisted on was that our kids (his and mine from former relationships - we have no kids together) not know about it. This particularly applied to his kids (both girls - women now) as they were never that close to me and he felt they would be judgmental.
When I ended it, ex threatened to tell the girls and was only talked out of it by my mum at the time.
Long story short; he has now some time later sent a vile and detailed message to both about me and what happened.
They were extremely upset and a little frightened as he comes across as unhinged frankly. Of course, they have no idea who he is.
The contents and the fact he did this upset DH a lot and we came close to another break up.
We both thought it was over and done with. After a shaky month, though, we are getting on with our lives again and trying to move forward.
However, we are currently living apart still, and I am on disability benefits. In one of his messages, ex threatened to "shop" me as claiming fraudulently (I'm not - he knows this, he even helped me make my claim as he is disabled too)
He is clearly vindictive enough to do this and I am worried. I know I'll be vindicated but an investigation would be stressful and I think they stop payments while it goes on. I can't afford for this to happen.
I believe that if he reports me maliciously and this can be proved, he can be prosecuted but experience tells me he is unstable and quite possibly won't care even if he knows this.
My stepfather suggested that there are organisations for abused women who might be able to help me with this. But, although he was abusive in the relationship I'm not sure that this counts as abuse now we are apart. Also I have no idea how to find these organisations.
Can anyone suggest anything I could do to prevent him doing this or hassling me and my family further? Would legal action be appropriate?
I am not afraid of him physically. The abuse was emotional and I don't believe he will turn violent but I am fairly sure (no real proof) that he is stalking me. He knows a good deal too much about my current life to be explained any other way based on some remarks in his messges.
I am also aware that the fact his messages went unanswered is likely to enrage him and push him to take further steps. He's narcissistic and hates to be ignored. Both messages ended with the offer of further information if asked for, suggesting he really has no self awareness at all and believes his behaviour is reasonable and justified. Rather than frightening and insane.
The messages have to be seen to be believed and he overplayed his hand massively by telling many (pretty obvious) lies and allowing his obvious misogyny to show. This is why it backfired in his intent. It made DH hate him (more than he already did) rather than hate me - the obvious intent behind it.
I don't think, therefore, that he's finished with me. Any advice gratefully received.
Thank you