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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel lonely

3 replies

Bollockstoyou · 26/04/2018 10:20

This sounds stupid I know, I love dp, he's not perfect but he's a good man and I know he'll do anything for me. He's taken on my 2 children 12 and 14 and I have taken on his 2 children 12 and 13 and generally it is a happy house, but well I guess I moved to his town so I'm around his family and friends. My dad recently passed away, I lost my mum years ago and my only sister I'm not close to and she doesn't bother with me or my dcs. Dps mum is lovely but obviously she has more natural feelings for her own grandchildren, this week my dd has been doing exams, sometimes 3 a day and she's been worried because she's had 6 weeks off school after being diagnosed as coeliac, but there's no one concerned for her other than me, dp is but it's also obvious not the same as it is for his own dds. No one is bothered how my dd does or how she is I feel I deal with it on my own. My dsd is also taking exams this week, her nan on both sides and various other people have sent her good luck cards. I feel bad cos my dd gets nothing, I feel she only has me, she does see her dad but he's not very hands on.
My dp thinks he's offering me his family so I should be grateful, and although I am grateful it's just not the same as your own. My dad loved to listen to how well my 2 were doing and would listen to when they weren't doing well for whatever reason.
Dps brother is a bit odd with me sometimes and so are some of his friends. There seems to be some jealousy around, even his ex was jealous when I moved in with him after 3 years tried to turn her dcs against me it didn't work in the long run but for a short time they hated me. They've realised I'm not the person I was portrayed to be but I still can't forget about it all. My saving grace are my 2 dcs I'm very close to both my ds and my dd but I feel just me to them is not enough for them. Is it normal to feel like this?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 26/04/2018 10:27

I'm sure it is normal.
Seeing others get more is hard.
But YOU are enough for them.
Please believe that.
You are their everything.
You are doing a great job so just keep going.

topsy2tails · 26/04/2018 10:41

Actually I don't think it's normal at all. In our family all children are treated equally.
No way do we love the step grandchildren as much as our own. But they would never guess. That would just be cruel! if we were sending a card to our own grandchild then the other would get one too.
You need to talk to your partner about how hurtful it is to you and your children and he in turn should talk to his family. It's neither right, normal nor fair! poor kids Sad

Bollockstoyou · 26/04/2018 10:56

Yeh I do feel for the kids, I mean they all spend the same on them when it comes to Birthdays and Xmas and I know they notice that, but it's little things. I know my dd just felt she had me when she was ill, no one else seemed to understand, my mil made comments about it all being in her head. I was the one dealing with her fainting, having funny turns, fainting during blood tests, watching her in pain. Dealing with the school I felt so alone. As soon as one my dsc are ill everyone rally's round including me as I want to look after them when they are ill.
The other night my dd period started and in the middle of the night she got up to the loo, she had pains too, she went to stand up and felt funny, the next thing she woke up on the bathroom floor, she obviously fainted 😔 and I didn't know, I told dp and he just said oh dear, suppose he didn't know what to say I then told mil as she came round that day and she just started talking about one of her other grandchildren who started their periods the day before, we had a conversation about that and that was it. I know if I said something she would be so upset that I'm upset and she would be apologetic as she is a lovely person but it's just getting to me

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