Rights of unmarried women when separating from a partner

[Ilovemymum1]

I find it both alarming and disturbing that women in England have very few rights when they separate from a partner. I’m not talking about divorce or a civil partnership - just couples who live together either of the opposite sex or the same sex. In my case, I spent 20 years with my partner under the same roof but the ‘roof’ was in his name as were the cars. I kept the home and as he’d already retired, we spent all our time together. We didn’t have children as I had an underlying health issue. He thankfully had children from a previous relationship (marriage). He broke up with me whilst I was away via an email. There’s no-one else in the relationship. I thought we’d always be together but there were many days when I thought of leaving him as his bullying was terribly upsetting. Why didn’t I? I was weak and scared as I didn’t have money set aside as the money he gave me was for housekeeping and if I needed anything extra, I had to ask. Yes I know - what a darn fool I’ve been. Anyway, to cut a long story short I spoke to a lovely lawyer who said that the law in England desperately needed changing and apologised for being unable to do anything for me. I’m in my 50’s with a chronic health condition and a head filled with cotton. He doesn’t have to provide me with anything even though he always promised me that he would look after me no matter what. He wa obsessed with money and sadly no heartstrings that I can pull on.

Here’s a link to the Rights of Women that the lawyer gave me. It’s a guide for people who are living together. For some silly reason, I always thought I was somehow ‘protected’....that if he left me then the law would be on my side. Sadly it’s not. I thought of approaching the Daily Mail to see if they would like to start a campaign to have the law changed so that people in the future aren’t caught out. If nothing else, it would get the word out there that people, like myself, have no rights and it might just help people make better decisions.

Thanks for listening. Have a good Wednesday.

Here’s the link:-
rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/PDF-guide-to-living-together-and-the-law.pdf

I am sorry that you find yourself in your current situation, OP, but I agree that if people want legal protection and recognition, they should get married. There is no need to change the law.

Although yes, marriage is a contract, in other situations an unwritten but legally binding contract can arise based on what the parties actually do. So I do feel for people who act in every way as if married over a period of many years, but have no legal protection to show for it.

Personally, I don't mind the law changing if it protects the majority.

However, I don't know the statistics and if that would be the case. What we have at the moment is apparently loads of people who have no idea of their lack of rights unlike the majority of MN, it would seem.

I have no sympathy I'm afraid. Those rights already exist and if you want them you should have married.

I’m living in New Zealand and ‘ de facto relationship ‘ is a legal term. It applies to couples living together for three years or who live together and have a child together. It makes sense and I feel like as society has changed and marriage become less popular the law has adapted . I’m happy with the rights offered regarding property, children. It would be easy for the UK to update its laws to something similar.

I'm a bit puzzled about you not working and just 'keeping house' for so long, especially if it wasn't even your house. Without children you may have gaps in your NI record that could affect your state pension.

But what about couples who dont want those legal ties?

British law currently offers that option, which is superior IMO.

I’m living in New Zealand and ‘ de facto relationship ‘ is a legal term. It applies to couples living together for three years

So if you have property and children to whom you wish to leave that property, but want companionship in your old age, your children can just get stuffed, because the act of someone living with you automatically gives them rights over your property akin to marriage? That's appalling.

The law is fine. If you want rights/protection get married.

100% this.

Plenty of people don't get married precisely BECAUSE they don't want the legal obligations that go with marriage. It's a choice.

It is also an option to create legal protection outside of marriage (joint names on a property or other agreements).

Hi Johnnycomelately

I think if you don’t want those ties you don’t move in together . The decision to move in and share a life with another person is a big one, like marriage without all the historical baggage. I thought about it very carefully 15 years ago and only planned to do it once in my lifetime. We didn’t own property at the time. If people have assets when they move in together they could get something legal drawn up.

You have been very naive. The law is clear, you are married, civil partnership or single status. If he died the inheritance would go to his next of kin, which I think would be his children. You need to look after number one, yourself.

If people have assets when they move in together they could get something legal drawn up.

So people who don't want obligations should draw up paperwork to avoid those obligations, in order to make it easier for people who do want those obligations but can't be arsed to draw up the paperwork?

It sounds as though OP gave little thought to her own financial position which is sad but very naiive. If he was already retired at the start of the relationship 20 years ago and she is now in her 50s what did she expect to happen if he died before her? Unless there was a will in her favour his DCs would inherit everything. I'm just amazed that in the 21st century more thought wasn't given to her own financial position.

The law doesn’t need to be changed; it’s fine as it is. If you refuse to get married, the fact of the matter is that you don’t get the rights that married couples are entitled to (and rightly so).

All that is needed is education for those who still haven’t realised there’s no such thing as a “common law marriage” and that they need to protect themselves.

The decision to move in and share a life with another person is a big one, like marriage without all the historical baggage.

That's a huge projection. A lot of people don't see it like that.

It would be dangerous to alter the law from opt-in legal joint ownership (via marriage), to defaulting to joint ownership of assets via some time or perceived "commitment thresholds".

That said, I could see the benefits of some kind of French style 'marriage-lite' off-the-shelf, widely used contract that people could have some confidence in, if they didn't want to get married (but wanted some protection), or for joint-owning flatmates, friends buying property together etc. Though in most of these cases, there's no substitute for bespoke legal advice and contracts.

The decision to move in and share a life with another person is a big one, like marriage without all the historical baggage.

I could not disagree more. I take my marriage very seriously. If anything happened to my DH, I may shack up with someone, but it would be completely different to a marriage. If I started to feel it was in any way comparable to the commitment of marriage, I would marry. I reserve the right to have companionship in my old age without having to commit to a marriage, unless I choose to.

If you looked after your ex did you claim carers allowance ? If you are in UK you need to claim ESA or JSA/Universal credit. Look on HMRC website, put in your National Insurance number it will show your state pension entitlement and age that you will receive. I know you said that you had some health issues, but can you get a job doing care work ?

Unmarried women or men for that matter have no rights as suck when they split . What ' you get ' for want of a better phrase depends what you legally own . Id imagine it's more usual for the man to have the bulk of assets however if the home is legally yours then out he goes with no access to your assets if that's what you want . There truly is no such thing as a common law husband or wife .

The decision to move in and share a life with another person is a big one, like marriage without all the historical baggage.

Another who completely disagrees with this, particularly nowadays when living alone is unaffordable for all but the very richest in cities. Ignoring university, before marriage I've lived with seven other people. One was a stranger. One I was in a non-exclusive sexual relationship with (whilst living with other friends in a houseshare). One went on to be my fiance. Where do you draw the line? Sharing a home, for a very large number of people, has sod all to do with wanting to be tied to them forevermore, and much more to do with affordability and company.

Don't forget marriage also has tax and inheritance implications. I believe that 2 sisters lived together for lots of years, one died and inheritance tax was due on the house. However, a husband and wife pay no inheritance tax on death.

Moving in with someone is not at all like marriage! Getting married indicates a lifelong commitment and an acceptance of certain legal obligations to one another. Moving in with someone is just that - there is no commitment and nor should there be. Obviously, it's different if children are involved.

Sorry , I should have said , for me it was a big decision as we agreed to be together and start our life together. If I lived in a country with different laws , such as the UK, we would probably have married.

I agree you need to create awareness but the law is already in place. If you want the same protection then you get married. I’m afraid it’s no one else’s fault that you didn’t educate yourself. The information is out there.