How do you change your attachment style?

[SpaghettiSister]

Has anyone successfully changed their attachment style? I've been doing some reading after ending things with a casual partner and recognising alot of my behaviours in the Preoccupied style of attachment. I hate these actions and behaviours and really don't want to display them ... but how do you change it?

Most of the time I feel as though I can't help the feelings of panic that I experience and the subsequent way I behave. I can't even see them at the time, only when I reflect afterwards after some time has passed and I've calmed down.

Anyone successfully been able to change their behaviour in this way?

Can’t help, but following. I guess being aware of it is half the battle. Would be interested to hear some strategies for breaking the patterns.

Yes I agree - being aware is crucial but I think I need more than that.

When I start to behave in certain ways it's very strange... It's almost as though I'm watching and hearing myself. I know I should stop or step away from the situation but I also feel incapable of doing so at the same time.

Me too. I've recognised this in myself. I'm talking to a therapist, and also reading the book "insecure in love". It's a process, but you recognise it so that's good, you can work on yourself. And be kind to yourself 😊

Is the therapy helping you to break the patterns?

Psychodynamic therapy may help eg cognitive analytical therapy.

I had it and became a lot less needy and more self sufficient

Spaghetti, have a look at Craig Kenneth on Youtube.
He covers attachment styles on some of his videos.
He may not have the information you are looking for but his videos are very interesting.

Schema therapy may help - but I haven’t come across many people who offer it.

Thanks for the recommendations - will check out those videos. If anyone has any other reading recommendations please share... I'd love to try therapy but can't afford it at the moment

Have you read the book 'attached'? There's advice on how to cope in a new relationship based on what attachment style you have. I found it very helpful.

Haven't read it but will find a copy! Thanks all