So unhappy with DH

[pinkginanyone]

I don’t even know where to start! I married DH 10 years ago and had 2 sons, had a dd from a previous partner. We both have good careers but DH has a real money problem, we had to move out of our home 2 years ago and move in with my elderly mum because DH couldn’t manage the rent when I was on maternity leave. Since then he’s lived like a student spending huge amounts of cash on himself, I never get money from him & ive spent all my savings bailing him out of debt which he keeps getting back into. I’ve paid for everything for the last 10 years apart from his car and the sky bill.

I feel like I’ve married a child, it’s embarrassing and my DM asks where all the money is going.... it’s probably gambling although he swears blind it’s not. My wage goes in rent, all the bills and the kids. I don’t have a penny left for anything else. Anytime I talk about money he closes up, gets defensive or walks out.

Aside from that he’s never there for me, we live seperate lives, we have nothing in common and I feel like I am the most unlovable person ever. I wanted to feel special in a marriage, looked after, cared for, taken out for dinner once in a while, he never suggests so much as watching a movie never mind actually taking me out.

What do I do? If I ask him to leave I’ll be stuck here for ever, taking care of the kids and my DM. On the other hand I can’t see another 10 years of this crap.

Get rid before the house becomes a joint asset.

We have one life, make the most of it and spend it with someone who makes you feel special and treats you well. Your relationship sounds truly dreadful. You can do it and you DC will be fine too. Tomorrow is a new day its up to you how you start it.

Insist on seeing his bank statement. If he won’t show it to you then that’s your answer. Honestly, this isn’t a marriage! Surely you should know what’s happening with his money! It’s an absolute joke and he’s taking you for a fool. You pay for everything! Get rid of him before your DM house half belongs to him. Divorce him now before the house goes to you.

If you stay with him and your DM leaves you her house, he'll gamble that away as well.

I agree with sleepy. He wants to hang in there with you until you inherit the house so he can spend the money tied up in that too.

He doesn't seem to give you any care. No conversations about what's happening (and he has golf lessons ffs! What do you get??) or how you feel...

Just because he loves his kids, it's no reason to keep him around. You will be so much better off (and not just financially) with him separate from your life. Divorce, keep your own finances - he can still be a father to his children, who won't have to wait on tenterhooks for their home to be snatched away from underneath them by bailiffs.

"I know I should but I am honestly so scared of being alone with the kids".

You're alone now with these children. The worst thing you can do to yourself is to end up with someone who makes you feel alone like your H does. Stop putting up barriers to leaving; no obstacle is insurmountable.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and just what are they learning here from the two of you?. Some legacy this is to leave them.

Your H's primary relationship is with gambling; this also in all likelihood predates you meeting him. I would cut your losses now and get out of this marriage before you really do lose everything financially or ending up in the bankruptcy courts. Your mother's advice is appallingly bad and is part of the reason why you are still with your H. He will gamble your mother's house away too and has taken you for a right idiot.

You either leave him or stay with him. Those are your two options. And honestly, leaving sounds like the most logical thing. We can only give you those options and you don't seem to like the "leave him" idea. So I guess, stay with the financial black hole and be unhappy?

Golf lessons

No words! LTB.

He sounds a right catch this one OP 🤔😬

You need to make him contribute, so joint account or wave goodbye. Do you want to be with someone who is evasive about money and fails to support his family? He’s spending it all on himself and ignoring yours and the children’s needs.