Just found out I'm going to be a dad and feel very anxious

[Pantana90]

Hello all, I only found out yesterday that I'm going to be a dad for the first time. I'm 28 and my girlfriend is 32. We've been together for two happy years. I'll be totally honest and say that I really don't know if I'm ready to be a dad - or if I want a baby at this stage of my life. My girlfriend knows this. But it's happening and I will of course face it like a man.

One thing has bothered me, though. I thought the other day 'yeah maybe I do want this' but when we found out - after the initial excitement - I started getting terrible anxiety. I do have a history of mild anxiety (a constant worrier) and I barely slept a wink last night.

I think it stems from all my doubts that I've had throughout my life. For example, I do things like doubt if I love my girlfriend, if I love her enough, doubt if I'd love my baby because I had doubts with loving my gf, doubt nearly every facet of major parts of my life.
I know this is 'just' anxiety, but it bothers me immensely. My girlfriend is absolutely wonderful and these doubts I speak of have only popped up at certain points. I do love her, and feel like I do a lot more than I doubt it, if that makes sense. I feel great 95% of the time with her, it's only when certain bad thoughts like this pop up that I became agitated. I've never felt happier in a relationship than I do now.

Can anyone offer any advice? My anxiety causes restless nights and I don't want that to start again (I doubted my love for an ex-girlfriend five years ago, got so wound up about it and didn't sleep for ages). Can anyone relate to this? Everything I have told you, I've told my girlfriend. I try to be 100% honest with her always. We talk things out but I just want to be able to relax and not become restless at night - I know I'll be fine otherwise. Thank you.

Doubts are normal...even in a long-term marriage, people have doubts. The key is whether your anxiety is making them spoil your enjoyment of the relationship all the time.

You can get treatment for anxiety you know. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy can work wonders. I think you should see the doctor...they take it very seriously now.

Worrying about being a Dad is 100% normal too.

OP - it’s totally normal to have doubt and you are quite young.
But as you said - the baby now exists and you’ll be the father, doubts or not.

Loving the baby isn’t really related to loving your GF. Even if one day you decide you don’t live the GF - you’ll still be the father to that child.

So - don’t make it worse for yourself and think that you need to have it all figured out. Just focus on th day at a time, and on immediate future.
Support your GF through pregnancy, prepare your place foe baby, etc.
Future will happen when it happens.

I don't think that level of doubt is normal at all. I think you're operating under a huge amount of anxiety. Are you on medication? If not then you probably should be and if you are then get the dosage checked. You really do not have to live like this.

A good place to look for help is with other dads.

There is a Facebook group ‘dads network’ (I think) that my friend is on. He was telling us about it and said it has a really good team of moderators that keep it on point and respectful and there is often posts from new dads. I have not read it but it comes recommended.

Plus some counselling will help you both talk about your fears and how you envision this going.