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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex partners ex intimidating me

41 replies

Dolphin321 · 24/04/2018 13:54

My partners ex seems to show up wherever i am most recently last week. She didnt do or say anything but i know she followed me in , i was with my 3 year old. She was standing right behind me and my child with her baby in tow then when i saw her she moved off . This has happened once or twice before
She has a restraining order against my partner not me as before they split she alleged that he harassed her by sending text messages and he was convicted. Since then she has repeatedly gone into his workplace ( a major supermarket) although the police have warned her to stop as she could be done for harrassment herself or he could get his restraining order revoked but she continued to show up even though there was a closer supermarket nearer to her of the same name until he left and found something else
She is unaware i know her address but i googled it and sent her a letter asking her to stop harassing me. In it i detailed how she stood behind me then said she was nothing special to look at and because i was upset said i dont fancy women and gave her my bra size as it seemed she wanted to know because i felt followed. I then said in the letter i have written childish words because her behaviour was childish and warned if she stood behind me like that again i will report her to the police. I did also say that although it isnt my business that she had cheated on her ex ( my partner as she had another man's baby 4 months after they split) and said i was confused as to her folowing me as she is still with her new partner and assumed she had moved on
Isaid in the letter that i wish her no animosity or harm, that i just wamt to get on in life and do not wish to have a feud with her or her family and asked her not to respond to my letter. I told her i am an educated person and do not regard myself as a bad person nor have i sent the letter with an evil heart and wished her well.
Is it illegal to send her a letter like that? The letter is from me to her and my partner is unaware ive sent it to her and its all about me saying what i saud to her so there would be no breach of the restraining order if i am correct
I'm worried she is now going to make up lies claiming i am outside her property now she knows i know her address as she tried this with my partner and it was thrown out of court. He was with his mother at the time
Im just worried she is going to make up lies against me being outside her house and i will get arrested . Or she will fake threatning letters from me. Far fetched i know but i am a worrier. I could always report her 4 the above if she tries anything funny

OP posts:

Angelf1sh · 24/04/2018 15:33

I knew I recognised your username, I read your thread from last month- why on earth have you let him back into your life? I hope for your sake (and more importantly for the sake of your child) that the police do consider it a breach of the restraining order and nick him.

ReanimatedSGB · 24/04/2018 15:35

Let it all lie from now on. Everything you have posted makes you both sound as tiresome as each other, TBH - if you want to move on, act like an adult and don't stir the pot any further.

SoapOnARoap · 24/04/2018 15:44

Do not engage any further. She’ll think you’re an utter plum

notapizzaeater · 24/04/2018 15:45

You shouldn't have sent the letter but it's done now ..... you need to make sure she doesn't wind you up again.

tattychicken · 24/04/2018 16:05

Dolphin why are you still with him? You need to leave him, you're putting you and your daughter at risk being with him. Don't spend any more time worrying about his ex, worry about him and his violence and the danger he poses to your daughter.

Khaleesi0 · 24/04/2018 16:06

I've just read your post from last month...

What the fuck???

Why are you with this absolute tool? Pack his bags and tell him to do one. Sending a letter to his ex was ridiculous, but staying with him is more ridiculous.

LiteraryDevil · 24/04/2018 17:01

Yeah WTAF? Read your post from last month too. Get out. And don't contact his ex. That was stupid but not as stupid as taking him after he buttered you in front of your 3 year old. Jesus fucking Christ.

SparklyMagpie · 24/04/2018 17:15

Thinking about this again, I have no sympathy with this as you should not be with him and you're not only risking your life but you're risking your child's life

Bigger things to focus on than petty letters about bra sizes,seriously

bonnyshide · 24/04/2018 20:38

No sympathy for you after reading your previous thread, why are you still with this abusive loser? Your poor DC!

SandyY2K · 24/04/2018 22:10

Your letter was extremely foolish and immature. Why would you talk about her looks and your bra size.

If I received that letter, I'd think you were unbalanced tbh.

SandyY2K · 24/04/2018 22:15

How old are you? This all sounds bizarre.

Butterymuffin · 24/04/2018 22:18

So her standing near you was intimidation, but you sending her a letter insulting her looks was fine? You're really not thinking straight about this. You'd have a simpler and better life without either him or her playing any part in it. Leave them both to it.

SandyY2K · 24/04/2018 22:25

This is all in relation to your partner who beat you up in front of your 3 year old DD.

I would have thought his Ex being behind you and staring was nothing compared to her witnessing your vicious assault.

dirtybadger · 24/04/2018 23:51

She is the least of your worries. Has probably had to live through the same horrible experiences as you, with this violent thug (who went on to harass her).

You cant take the letter back now. Bad judgment. Time to change something. Get out with your child whilst you still can.

OreoMini · 25/04/2018 02:01

To be honest, that latter makes you sound bat shit crazy. WTF.

schrodingerstwat · 07/05/2018 03:23

@Dolphin321 I just read your post from last month. What you wrote back then was so completely and utterly horrifying. Your partner beat you up in front of your child....you knew it was so bad that you were worried about whether social services would think you weren't protecting your child. However the fact that you were going to LEAVE him because of his violent unhinged behaviour meant that - had you gone through with that - you would have been seen as protecting your child and would have (hopefully) had support to do that from SS. Now fast forward 2 months: firstly you stayed with him...how can you justify that after stating that your screaming, hysterical and terrified tot was pulling him off you as he was beating you? Secondly, you have fanned the flames of this violent situation by writing what can only be described as a totally unhinged letter to his ex. You may not like people calling you out on this but at the end of the day, people only want to help you and any comments made by me or anyone else are made based on the information you've given us (partner capable of extreme violence, your fears for your child, your unnecessary - to say the least - communication with this OW). I BELIEVE your last post back in March that the horrific situation happened the way you said it did: now GET OUT, consider your child's wellbeing and stop going off on irrelevant tangents like worrying as to whether this OW is following you. Whatever damage she does by standing near you in a shop is NOTHING compared to the damage you are doing to yourself and your kid by staying with this guy.

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