I think we were having an emotional affair..how could I be so stupid?

[Pollyputthekettleon32]

Been friends with each other for 8 years.
We had kissed many years ago but both had other partners since then.
I was in a relationship with his friend but we broke up.
Anyway he had been with this woman for 3 years and confided in me that he wasn’t in love anymore.
We would text every day and he made it clear he had feelings for me.
I was single at this stage.
He would tell me he wished it wasn’t complicated (his good friend being my ex and him with gf)
This went on about a year..
Stupidly I let it.
He broke up with his gf and we still continued texting and ringing each other.
He would tell me he wanted me but wished things were different etc and worried it would cause a massive shit storm if we got together.
We slept together and he told me he loved me (I believed him) anyway he has a child with gf and got back together with her.
Told me he couldn’t not be a dad 24/7 and we needed to stop this because it was messing with his head and he disn’t want to be a scum bag.
So that’s that basically ..how could I have been so daft?
We have seen each other recently,I was with my boyfriend and holding hands and walked straight into him,he came over to our table and stood talking to his mate (didn’t speak to me) just kept looking at me and him.
This is the bad part ..
I still love him
I still question if anything was real
What’s your opinion?
Just forget him?

Id forget him because even when you were both single and realistically could have got together you didn't so that says it all really

He has a family, and although you don’t owe anything to his gf think how bad it is that he’s acting like a scumbag behind her back, she doesn’t deserve it.
He’s done the right thing breaking it off with you, he’s concentrating on his family. Men in this situation like to make out they are so unhappy with their partners but a lot of them aren’t, they are just pigs looking for some excitement.

Concentrate on your relationship with your bf or end things and just be alone for a while.

I know.ive got off contact for a few months now and won’t ever message him again.
All those years of friendship and we don’t even say hi.
Why do you think he doesn’t say hi anymore or even smile ? Considering all the years we’ve known each other.
He’s reopened his Facebook but obviously hasn’t added me.
Not that I should even care!

I think if you were really meant to be together, you would have overcome the problems which arose when you were both single.
sometimes I think men love to "love" from afar, it's a nice fantasy

Also he got back together with his ex, seems to be a common theme on here at the moment! and he may not love her, but he's clearly happy with the status quo of life.

Looks like he does not want to re-engage. He has made it clear.
Forget it.
Work on your new relationship.

And don't think I must, just forget him, he was obviously a very important part of your life
But that chapter is closed now.
never look backwards

Oh dear.. I think he liked the attention you gave him, and as pp said, what exactly stopped you getting together when you were both single? Oh yes you once went out with his mate and he had an ex gf... Ummmm... Many people in that situation get together. Nit exactly a 'shit storm'

I think he knew that you wanted more, and he decided he'd rather have gf. He is probably worried you will get needy clingy etc if he re opens any contact and his gf won't like hearing about what potentially happened between you.
I don't think he sounds very nice... You dodged a bullet

I think the worst part for me was the feeling like I was so easy to cast aside.
Even if we were never going to be together,I would have liked to hang on to him as a friend.
We kinda just clicked,got on well.
Could just look at each other and smile.
It’s a shame we lost a friendship.

He was always the one contacting me and pushing for me ..I think that’s what confused me the most really.
I didn’t know if I was coming or going.

He sounds like a head fuck in my opinion and you are better off without him in your life.
Trust me, you couldnt ever be just friends once you crossed that line

He was,he totally messed with my head.
Even seeing him now messes with my head.

Any man that is living with another woman is offering you jack shit; sorry OP but you went into it all with eyes wide open, a year cheating on his girlfriend, you as well; you both sound as bad as each other; no sympathy from me, he sounds beyond crap and useless; I dont really know why you would even find a cheating git like that attractive, perhaps it's all the secrecy and sneaking about you both liked.

He wasn’t living with her,he was living with friends.
They had been on and off for ages
Nothing happened between us till they split up.

I think him messing with your head when you see him, will only lessen with time.
sorry you're going through this, it's tough when we have lost someone we think we could have been happy with, but the circumstances were not right at the time.
I always thought, that if you're meant to be with someone, both people will fight for it, but I don't think life is that simple now. especially with kids involved.
And sometimes we just have to try and let the past go.

I don’t wish him bad or anything and I do respect him for trying to make it work for his child...I just can’t help feeling like crap.

He wasn’t living with her,he was living with friends.
They had been on and off for ages
Nothing happened between us till they split up.

You say further up this went on for a year, you lost me when you said you THINK you were having an EA, in other words you were.

Think about his pregnant girlfriend, she's got a right prize there; he fed you lines OP, he liked the attention, he offered you nada and you got nada, I pity his GF, you should do the same.

Not one of my finest moments il be honest.

He basically used you to stroke his ego, he sounds like a complete shithead on many levels and you sound naive.

Just make sure you never have anything to do with him again.

I wouldn't engage with him at all. This isn't going to go anywhere and you owe it to yourself to expect more.

Do you not think he had any feelings like he said ?

maybe he did, we just don't know, but at the end of the day, he decided that he wanted a different life, and one as a family. And as hard as that is for you, you need to try and let it go.
Are you happy in your current relationship? I would worry, that if you're not, you're harking back to something that could have been and romanticising it.
Sometimes we meet people we could have been very happy with if circumstances had turned out differently, but circumstances are a lot to do with who you end up with.