Had my partner cheated

[SummerJim]

Hi all, hope you can give me some impartial advice as I’m going stir crazy. Dating my current partner 6 months and 2 weeks ago she found out she had chlamydia. She had symptoms from Jan which she thought was thrush. She then had another episode recently which led to the test. My own test came back negative which I was surprised since the transmission rate of this STI since it is a bacterial infection is around 40% from a single exposure. We have been dating 6 months and never used protection. This has led me to believe she may have been exposed early on. Symptoms can appear 1-3 weeks from exposure so if I calculate this timeframe from when her first symptoms occurred it was over Xmas in which we were apart for 3 weeks. My seemingly perfect relationship could be based on a lie. When she told me she had this STI, I didn’t react and just cuddled her, she volunteered to tell me it wasn’t during when we were intimate and was a ‘long time’ Ago. I’ve been lied to in the past and now this is really playing on me. What advice can you give and is it feasible she got this many months ago and I just didn’t catch it!?

Cheating /not cheating aside why the absolute fuck have you not been using condoms?

Because as an adult I got a full health MOT before engaging in another relationship. It was my shortsightedness which assumed all adults do the same and don’t endanger each other.

So you asked to see hers then before the 'precedings' ?

Sorry what does this have to do with the question? I trusted someone with whom I felt an instant connection.

It’s entirely possible she had it before you met OP, and that you just haven’t caught it (you’re lucky).

When you say 'apart' over Christmas do you mean not in the same place or was it a break up of sorts?

It is possible that you just haven't caught it. Chlamydia can be symptomless for a while. Do you have other reasons to think she may have been up to something over Christmas?

my gut on this is she has been conpletely honest. So im inclined to believe her.

Although usually it takes one to three months it sometimes take longer and even can take months for the symptoms to appear. It’s quite possible she was infected before you and her got together.
Do you trust her otherwise? It sounds as if you reacted kindly and didn’t judge when she told you which is good.

I would proceed as if she’s telling the truth and has been faithful - unless you hear anything to the contrary. This is a fairly new relationship so as with all new relationships proceed with caution.

I have no reason to disbelieve her but I’ve been lied to before and I just find the latency period a confounder. I.e symptoms did appear within the 1-3 weeks after we were apart (she went home for Xmas). This is consistent with literature on chlamydia incubation. Again only she knows the truth, I guess I would want to hear what other people would think and do in this situation. I don’t exactely want to tell friends.

Chlamydia can lie dormant for years with no symptoms.

That’s what my rational side says. Just found it weird she only just got symptoms. I won’t do anything rash just will keep this to myself and accept it’s one of those things. Slightly peeved she didn’t get checked before tho!

I'm sorry but it all fits a bit too well. I'd go on this mentality though if it were me:

1. Are you positive now? If you are still not positive then maybe you are resistant and if so, will not prove anything about when this occurred.
2. she may have got them symptoms then, again, doesn't mean anything. It's more rare for women to know they have chlamydia.
3. I would still need to have the discussion of faithfulness. Were there any dates when she was more distant? any behaviour? If you think that this is literally the only reason you'd think she's cheated then im sure it's fine.

You haven't done your research properly

I'm still astounded that anyone would willingly use no protection with a brand new partner. Immediate connection or not you buy condoms and use them until you're in a committed relationship and able to have an adult conversation about your future sexual health. It's basic common sense.

There's no definite answer as to her cheating. It's possible she did, it's possible she didn't, you have to base it on trust and either move forwards or end things. Nobody can reassure you on here without simply guessing.

Slightly peeved she didn’t get checked before tho

Did you ask if she had been before you had sex with her? Because if you didn’t you’ve no right to be peeved at all.

You’ve been told on here by numerous posters that this is in no way proof she “cheated” yet you seem unsure still.

Let her go and find someone who does trust her and respects what she is saying.

Jesus, how fucking naive are you?? You felt an instant connection so based on this alone threw caution to the wind with regards to your sexual health-wtaf?
I think you should focus less on if your partner has cheated & more on your stupidity- you are very lucky to have not contracted chlamydia from her-or anything else for that matter.

Thank you all for your comments!