Getting brave enough

[GothMoth]

Hello
Some of you maybe remember my previous threads about my husband and his sexually coercion behaviour/open relationship requests.
I have done all the reading and I have realised I am dealing with Lundy Bancrofts Mr Sensitive-I want to move on but I feel so trapped. Every waking moment is filled with anxiety and I can't eat. We are supposed to be 'trying again ' but the truth is I feel terrified that he will want sex with me. I don't let him see me naked.
To the outside world, people think he's great, but his behaviour has shattered me and I'm a wreck of myself. My mum keeps telling me I can't just try to keep it together for the kids, it won't work and my mental health will just implode.
Where the hell do I find the strength to do this?

For the last two nights he has slept in the bed again and I just want to cry

For a start, stop pretending to the outside world that everything is perfect.

Give yourself permission not to be perfect.

Ask your Mum to look after DC one evening? You just have to tell him. You can't live the rest of your life like this.

I think finding tinder on his app list has sealed the deal...

He even tried to deny it to my face multiple times. I said but I saw it - it's there why are you doing this? Then he admitted it and said he only had it five minutes before deleting?!