Is my father an alcoholic?

[jonnybakes]

He's always been a workaholic but always drank to excess as well.

He didn't drink every day when we were younger but definitely all weekend and one or two nights in the week.

When I was about 8 he got so drunk he fell in a ditch in the dark. I remember watching my mother hose him down in the shower as he was too drunk to wash himself.

He's been like that throughout my childhood. My parent's bedroom would absolutely reek of alcohol in the morning if he'd been to the pub.

He can easily drink 3 or 4 bottles of wine in one sitting. Sometimes five.

I know, reading that back, it screams alcohol problem. But I've grown up watching it and my parent's normalise it that I really struggle to get perspective on it.

He had a stroke a year ago but is still drinking to the point of passing out :(

It's the elephant in the room in my family. Nobody is allowed to mention it, when we refuse to drink with him we're basically shunned.

Yes he sounds alcohol dependant, I’m sorry. It’s awful to live with but unfortunately if he doesn’t want to change it , it won’t ever change

Thank tatty.

My mother and he are in complete denial about it.

I think it's just dawning on me that the things I saw when I was growing up were seriously dysfunctional :(

that is a huge amount of wine in one sitting, his tolerance must be through the roof. i'd say that yes, he has a problem.

Just remember it isn't something you are responsible for, or able to do anything about. Be clear in your mind about what you can put up with - perhaps only seeing them early in the day not in the evening s for example. And stick to it. It isn't your fault.

The fact you are shunned for not joining in means they are aware there is a problem and are angry with you for simply reminding them indirectly this is not normal. Classic. Don't take it personally, it is their guilt/anxiety talking

If they were to ask for your support in helping him/them deal with it eg by not bringing booze to their house then fine, but otherwise, hard though it is, trying to 'help' is likely to be both painful and fruitless.

So sorry you have grown up with this.

Have a read about Adult Children of Alcoholics. It affects us into adulthood. There's also a book called Perfect Daughters, specifically for adult daughters of Alcoholics. You will probably recognise many of your own characteristics.

Thanks all.

I'm looking at al-anon meetings and wondering if they could help me. I've had a somewhat chequered relationship with alcohol myself and I think understanding the things I saw in childhood might help me to sort through this.