Totally confused about DP

[nuttyworkingmum]

Hello, Havent been on here for a long time,but hoping you guys can help with any advice or words of wisdom. So here goes: On Saturday @ 6am in bed(Crazy time!) my DP started asking me what hours/days I was due to work this week ( my days change due to a shift rota )
I mentioned to him what they were, and then he started saying I was stealing precious work hours away from him;this made me cross so I started defending my rights as a working mum,then he hit me with the pillow,quite hard. Shocked and upset I went downstairs.
He has pushed me and verbally been aggressive towards me in front of my DS. I dont know if it is my fault, my Dad said I may wind him up thats why he does it. I spoke to my SIL and she said my BIL has done this in the past too!
I went away at the weekend to talk with DM. CAme back home before work Sunday evening and he said his work is more important and as a man he needs to go out and do the work etc.. etc...He had such a Me Tarzan you Jane expression, Im quite shocked as I have always been independent and paid my way through working hard and helping bring the cash in, have I upset his pride by working to much as he has to take DS to school and pick him up. I think he is very unhappy with this arrangement and says he is doing it to help me out, he doesnt look at it as some time with his DS. When he gets angry it is horrible and so upsetting even DS has began to show an angry side if he doesnt get his way.I think he feels I take advantage of him doing the school runs twice a week and staying later Mon morning until I go home.

You have a very serious problem here which I feel goes far beyond his being unhappy at your working hours. For starters this is repeated behaviour, I am particularly concerned with your SIL's comments in that regard. He is certainly not a DP at all, more like a bully who rants when he does not get his own way. Your son is also copying this behaviour.

You are in an abusive relationship.

This man has been violent towards you in front of your son; small wonder therefore your son is now acting angry himself. This is becoming his norm. He may even go on to act the same towards any woman he has a relationship with unless you address this problem now and not bury your head in the sand.

No "it is not your fault" (this is often what women in abusive relaitonships say) and your Dad is being foolish at the very least when he says that "you may wind him up". He's almost justifying this behaviour. There is NEVER any justification whatsoever for being violent in a relationship be it verbal or physical towards anyone (man or woman).

I would counsel you talk with Womens Aid about your situation further; such violent actions can escalate sharply over time. This man is neither doing your or your son any favours at all by acting like this, damaging lessons are being imparted here by both of you. After all what we learn about relationships is first and foremost learnt from our parents. Also such men rarely if ever change, you may be now seeing a side to him that's he previously kept under wraps.

www.womensaid.org.uk

Thank you Attila, I cant believe Im in an abusive relationship, I have been told to walk away when he gets angry, but instead I get cross when he says hurtful things then shout back which isnt so great, he says to mE, Im exaggerating the situation, as he thinks hitting me with a pillow was only done to shut me up! Im not sure it is probably because he is so tired and exhausted from working 24/7 too. Im unhappy with our relationship and hate to argue in front of my DS and will seek further advice.