What is this and wwyd?

[deadbeatdil]

NC as DP knows I use MN regularly.

Long story short, I was using DPs phone a few nights ago and found he was using an international penpal website. I questioned him about it and he said he was using it to talk to people about his hobby. He didn't sound too convincing, so that evening I had a look through his email account and managed to find his login for this penpal site.

On there he had hundreds of messages to other women (just women) some of which were just general chit chat. However he has one woman on there who he emails via the site and his personal email. He has said things to her like he's unhappy in our relationship, he's only living with me until he can afford to more out as 'it's better for our two children' as well as lots of intimate conversations.

He also makes reference to an app called Kik which it looks like he uses to message some of these women, however I can't work out his password. He has been asking these women to send photos of themselves and has commented on their photos/ bodies in these emails.

I'm absolutely devastated. We've been together the best part of 10years, have 2 children (6 and almost 1) and, as far as I believed, he was very happy in our relationship. He has told these women so many lies about me and our life to make it look like he's really miserable so that they comfort him in their messages and so that he can be flirty towards them.

I don't even know what I'm asking really, I just need to get this off my chest as I don't have any close friends in RL to talk to and I really don't want to say anything to my family, although my gut instinct is to expose his lies and conversations. I am just in complete shock. Is this an EA? I really have no idea what to say or do.

Thank you Atilla.

It's a rented HA property in both our names. He is obviously the earner. I get the child benefit into my bank account. He pays all the bills which most are in his name (bar the council tax which is in both names) But I have access to all incoming money, it's never been a case of him saying 'this is my money' it just comes in and gets divvied out between all bills and everything we need each month.

We're not married.

So he says he is miserable in the relationship and just staying with you because of the children.

You are now miserable in the relationship due to his cheating, but feel you have to stay because of the children.

You could both move on to relationships you were happy in, if you wanted to.

10 years is really not that long in the grand scheme of things and stop blaming the women that your husband has been duping; his commitment is to you, they owe you jack shit.

He is telling the world that he hates you OP and is with you under duress; it's about time you listened to him and got the ball rolling to separate or else spend your life being treated like a piece of crap, sorry to be blunt but how bad does it have to get?

And stop keeping his dirty wee secret, you are being complicit by keeping it all to yourself, get it out there, perhaps if you tell people that actually know you they can give you the support to finally get rid of the creep.

It's not all his money either, it's family money, he's not doing you any great favours by working!

Go to citizens advice and speak with them. You don’t need to make a decision now but it’s helpful to know where you stand.

Please change your name, you’re not any kind of deadbeat anything.