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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help FTM baby dad issues

7 replies

Popsjjx · 22/04/2018 20:12

ong story
I'm 27 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy was unplanned and not greatly received by myself.
My partner - asked to have children and I said no. We hadn't been together long, and I gave my reasons, he asked again and Again, I said no.
I fell pregnant about two months later.

I was pretty gutted - I'm pro choice on abortion so, if it's for you it's for you. If not then ok.

I chose to keep this baby, I had to make that choice alone. Then my partner comes along and his whole attitude changed, told me to get rid. That he wasn't ready. This was in November, it's now April and I haven't seen him. (He's army not away on tour about 2hr drive away) We'd been in contact via text and calls - but even that was limited. In the last two months he's just messed my head.

He ignored me for weeks, sent me valentines flowers. Then ignored me again and sent me Mother's Day flowers. When he doesn't even want this baby. He told me he support me and be there and I've looked crazy texting calling. - he's old enough to know better.

He's now chosen to not speak to me at all, and I feel like no one knows how I feel.

None of my friends have been through this, they've never had to go through a pregnancy without the father and constantly feel so unworthy and low.

I'm my own worst enemy I check his WhatsApp, I check messenger to see his last online. I keep fighting the urge to text him because he won't answer. He blocked my number so I can't call him, but kept me on WhatsApp and fb ( I've since deleted him on fb) I feel crazy.

I know nothing about him really or his family, we met in June and I fell in the October so you can imagine how mental it is, I know there's no such thing as a right time.

He's had every scan date too, and ignored me leading up to it or during that period. I've been so stressed. So stressed.

Then when I did manage to say something, his answer was - I didn't force you to carry it.
I'm not doing anything wrong.

I hate that I'm still trying when he's made it so clear!!

The whole time he was telling me loved and cared about me and he'd support me

He's on tinder and pof.

But denies it. It's like it's not real to him.
He moves closer to my area at the end of may, and I dread it, because he'll be so close. But so far, then I'm certain he goes to Afghan with his reg for 6 months.

I just feel like I'm going in circles
I want him to be there for his child, but then I don't see why I do... after everything he's done and how's he treated me.

It's just draining to have to fight thinking about it all the time.
I'm due in July I want to be a happy mum to this little guy, I feel like I've let the dad ruin it all for me

Any advice, has anyone else had to deal with it

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 22/04/2018 20:41

You don't need him in your life. That will bring you nothing but pain.

Sn0tnose · 23/04/2018 03:29

You have to forget about all the lovely things he's said and promised because his actions are proving that he didn't mean any of it. Delete and block on everything you can. If more flowers turn up, decline delivery.

Start preparing for life as a single mum and enjoy your time with your son. It's him who'll be missing out.

Coyoacan · 23/04/2018 04:24

Don't worry about being a single mum, it is a lot easier than having a crap partner there at the same time.

Popsjjx · 24/04/2018 06:48

I know he'll cause more stress and heartaches.

I'm doing better than I thought, I've managed my first full week of no contact. (He's ignored me now for two)

On day I'm ok, the next I'm really sad and keep crying about it all

🙂🙃🙂🙃

OP posts:
squishee · 24/04/2018 07:56

That sounds tough. It sounds like you will be better off as a single parent.

What do you mean by FTM?

Popsjjx · 24/04/2018 17:26

It is tough, but I've got to get through it

FTM - first time mum x

OP posts:
IWouldLikeToKnow · 24/04/2018 18:11

Bring a FTM is so overwhelming and difficult. You will have enough stress in your life when baby arrives. You don't need to have to deal with him too. Yes, he is baby's dad and will likely always be part of your lives but you won't need the added stress of a relationship with him. He is giving you nothing but stress and worry and adds nothing to your life.

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