Trapped in a loveless relationship

[Perfectdisaster]

I need some advice. I’m trapped in my worst nightmare, living with someone where there is no love or affection. We do not talk unless it’s him going on about work, if I try to discuss our none relationship the conversation gets shut down. I’m so unhappy it’s ruining my life. My DD is upset as she can see there are problems. To everyone else we are a lovely family and I just can’t bring myself to admit the truth. I feel like I live a lie. We are not married but have lived together for 14 years. I can’t leave it would break my daughters heart. Is there any solution to this or am I trapped in my nightmare forever.

Start being ultra affectionate and loving to him, make a massive effort. Only an utter heartless knob wouldn't repay that.

Make a posh meal for when DD in bed, think of his fav drinks, etc.

And if you can't stop him talking about work then buy some of the couple's games online... We have one like we ask each other whatever question comes out the pile... Like "who was your best friend at school and why" etc. (My poor DH has to put up with me talking about work too much too otherwise!)

Good luck with it all, it's not easy xx

You need to sit and speak to him properly. Find out how you both feel about your relationship and its future. If he continues to shut any conversation down i think you have your answer. Leaving would be difficult but ultimately your daughter will be fine.

I agree that you need to be very direct with him about what you need from the relationship, and also discuss his feelings too and why he’s unhappy. If he’s unwilling to do this then you need to leave. Break ups are horrible but being with someone who doesn’t show you any love is worse. I’ve been in a relationship like that once and it was incredibly depressing.
Hopefully you can have a frank discussion together and work out where things are going wrong

Your DDs heart is already breaking because she can see her mother suffering. You need a plan to leave; Womens Aid can help you here as would the Rights of Women organisations.

You think you are trapped but that is your perception only; you are not completely powerless here and still have free will. You are staying currently for your own reasons; fear, of the unknown, being afraid of having to start again, of being on your own, what your DD will think. None of these and others are any good reasons at all to remain within this loveless relationship you describe. Martyring your own self won't do you any good.

Do not stay for her sake; all this will do is teach her that a loveless relationship is her norm as well. She is not going to say thanks mum either to you for staying with him, she could well accuse you of putting him before her.

Thank you I’m scared to leave I would not know where to start. I have no one to talk to.
lovetoomuchfood - I can’t even look at him so can’t bring myself to be affectionate. This has been going on a while every effort I made is ignored.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thank you that is so true and yes I am scared of being on my own. I never thought I would be facing this at my age it is making me so ill.

EB123 Thanks I know but is so difficult to talk. Not only would leaving break DDs heart but also our families.

Purplerain101 Thanks we have holidays booked what happens there? We have work planned for an extension on the house starting soon too - it’s like we are both in denial. I just feel sick.