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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He stinks - I need to tell him in a nice way

2 replies

Stinkachoo · 22/04/2018 10:00

I've name changed as this along with other things I've posted could be revealing.

Everything my DP and I have at the moment is invested in a business. He's a cook and we bought a hospitality business. He runs it day to day and I run my own business in another industry. But this one is the gamble that could set us up if it works.

Before explaining the issue I should say he is very stubborn, doesn't take kindly to being told what to do. Eg he has a horrible cap he got for free and wore it. I tell him I don't like it when we set off for a family event. He then wears it constantly for a week. I let him get on with it and then eventually hide the cap.

Anyway, I've noticed lately, he isnt showering as frequently. And it gets less frequent the higher the stress levels. During a particularly stressful January, I had to ask him to shower more.

He is working really hard and is struggling but he's started wearing the same clothes for days and these clothes get more casual and scruffy - he doesn't look smart enough for someone meeting customers and who is basically the front of the business.

The last week has been incredibly busy. We have been a bit like passing ships as while he is working on a special event, I'm sorting out our house move.

However, when we saw each other last night and went to give each other a hug and a kiss I was taken back by the smell. When i gently.suggeated a shower, he said "yeah later" and sat on the sofa to have a glass of wine and removed his shoes. I had to leave the living room. He'd been working in close proximity with people all night.

When i went back in the living room i got annoyed becuase when I asked him to go and take a shower, he said 'later'. I opened windows and told him he smelled bad, he was on our sofa and he's a grown man who should be self aware enough to not want to sit around stinking even after somebody has been driven to advising him to shower.

He got the shower and when ge got out apologised and agreed, he needs to shower every day again particularly with it getting hot.

This morning he got up to go to work. He smelled fresh but then he put on a really smelly hoody he has been wearing all week, then put on the fucking cap and skipped off to run our business in the hospitality industry.

I feel frustrated. He often says to me that I'm too blunt - especually during an argument. Tonight when he comes in, I want to tell him he needs to get a grip. That this is important and the impressoon he makes is vital and he could ruin our business if he continues to turn up stinking and looking like a trucker. I think this will hurt him and make him dig his heels in.

Im also worrried that a previously well presented, sweet smelling bloke could turn into this. Maybe he needs more.support?

OP posts:
ohreallyohreallyoh · 22/04/2018 10:46

He could be struggling. It is depressive behaviour that’s for sure.

Does he have enough clothes? Are there clothes sitting clean in the wardrobe?

sameoldsame · 22/04/2018 11:22

God knows what his colleagues think of him. He works around food!? I wouldn’t eat somewhere that was run by someone that couldn’t shower.
Surely he knows his industry is very cleanly conscious

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