Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sex With ex

14 replies

Lovelyivy · 22/04/2018 08:39

So I broke up with my husband of two years because he told me he isn't attracted to me anymore and we stopped being intimate. We have a 1 year old baby together. We decided to live together a bit until we sort out our finances. Yesterday we had sex and I don't know what to think of it. Does he want to get back together or just used me again? I love him. It was him breaking up, because he said he has never loved me and there was no affection from his side. I told him how broken hearted I am and we lived like a roommates for 4-5months but kept talking and had fun as friends. I'm worried he will break my heart again . Don't want my hopes up Sad what do you think?

OP posts:
GoldenEvilHoor · 22/04/2018 08:43

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

AndAlongCameABadger · 22/04/2018 08:48

Do he told you he doesn’t love you or is attracted to you, and then sleeps with you? Hmm He is not a very nice man and it sounds as if he tries to have his cake and eat it. He is treating you horribly in giving you this kind of affection and you need to look after yourself emotionally.

Stop sleeping with him, keep your lives as separate as possible and arrange to split finances as soon as you can.

Sorry, it’s probably not what you want to hear. It’s horrid, I’ve been there.

Beaverhausen · 22/04/2018 09:17

Sorry sweety but he is just using you, it is best that you try and disconnect from this man emotionally if the two of you need to stay in the house until your finances have been sorted.

But ideally it would be best if you find somewhere asap that way you will find it easier to see him for who he is and be able to move on.

SparklyMagpie · 22/04/2018 09:21

He's using you.
No matter how much I loved someone,I could not sleep with them knowing all the hurtful things they have said to me. He's a disgusting bastard

Back away from him OP, you'll only end up more hurt

kikashi · 22/04/2018 09:31

Agree with others - he is messing with you. This man is NOT your friend.
He needs to move out asap - get those finances sorted today. He is probably dragging his feet moving on - he has a cosy set up with you. He has rejected you and told you so. This gives him carte blanche to live the life of a singleton when he wants but make use of your cosy billet. He can delegate family/child responsibilities solely to you. He has his feet still under the table with all the power on his side until such times as he finds another cosy billet to jump ship to.

Get rid he will bring you nothing but more heartbreak. He should be on the sofa not in your bed and do NOT service him domestically in anyway (meals, cleaning, laundry etc) and set an ultimatum to leave.

namechange2222 · 22/04/2018 09:33

From what male friends have told me, a man can be unattracted to someone generally but will have sex with her if the situation arises and can actually enjoy it at the time.
As long as you were willing I don't think he's done anything wrong. However it will totally mess with your head. In my experience once I've stopped finding someone attractive, even if I was to have sex with them, I would still find them generally unattractive

Original poster
Lovelyivy · 22/04/2018 09:44

He told me both Sad that he never loved me and that he is not attracted to me. It happened yesterday so I'm just interested to see if he will be cold today as he was last few months

OP posts:
GoldenEvilHoor · 22/04/2018 09:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

kikashi · 22/04/2018 10:02

The thing is Lovelyivy that your husband has said those really cruel things - they can't be unsaid. They will always be there now in your head. If he stays you will either grow to detest him and perhaps yourself or spend all your time doing "the pick me dance" trying to prove to him and yourself just how attractive and what a good partner you are. You will have made a rod for your own back and the end result will likely be unhappiness.

What prompted his confession? Do you think he was having an affair and hoping to move on with them? Did he have his eye on someone who did not come through for him? Had he been going out and about with single/divorced mates and longing for the single life again? How is he with your DC, does he resent the time you spend with your child? Does he feel "harnassed"by fatherhood? Is he depressed?

iffyjiffybag · 22/04/2018 10:15

Do you want to be with a person who gets off on being unkind to you?

That's no recipe for future happiness, abusers never change.

Original poster
Lovelyivy · 22/04/2018 11:00

I love him. We never argue. He is a nice person but him saying these things - it was extremely hurtful. I don't know what future holds. I don't want to be with someone who said such a things but I love him and we have baby together. I definitely need to speak to him and address the things he said. But I'm just worry he used me to have sex - there wasn't any feelings behind his actions yesterday. The thing is I'm trying to be friends with him for sake of our child but he keeps hurting me emotionally . Thank you everyone for replies

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 22/04/2018 11:24

But I'm just worry he used me to have sex

Well yeah, of course he did. If he can get his balls drained without leaving the house and spending money dating other women, of course he's going to take advantage of that.

He has been very clear that your marriage is over. This man is not your friend. You need to get your shit together and either leave yourself, or get him out.

Have you taken legal advice?

Original poster
Lovelyivy · 22/04/2018 11:29

I'm going to citizen advice this week to see what options I have to leave him.

OP posts:
SoapOnARoap · 22/04/2018 12:32

You were easy pickings. You’re better than that

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread