Help! Broken and helpless.... where do I stand?

[Broken1985]

I desperately need some advice please
I'm in a really unhappy relationship with someone who is emotionally and mentally controlling. I want to leave but I have three children and worry about what he is capable of. When I had my first child it was a secret from dads family as dad is Asian but when they found out they were accepting and at 7 months old me and child moved in with them. His parents gradually made my life a misery and were generally horrible to be, to the point where I was being told how to raise my child. When l/o was 21 months old I left, got my own place and dad eventually moved in with us. Within two weeks might I add. In them two weeks dad saw l/o every day and without me there. I was still breastfeeding at night and in the morning so he was unable to take him overnight.
In time we had another baby and all was fine until 2nd child turned 1 and after a blazing row he left with our 1st born who was by now 3. He wouldn't allow my child to come home and only let me see them when he was around. He would only come home if I put that child's CB in his name (his security if I did another runner he said) so feeling helpless I did, I just wanted my child home.
Things were great for nearly 3 years. We've just had baby number 3 who is 3 months old, and he has changed. He's started being controlling again, blames me for everything my family do that he feels is against him which it isn't (my family know nothing about my situation I have dealt with this alone). There's more to the story but too much to go into on here..... I just wanted to know if I left with my children, would he get custody of my oldest because he has the CB?
I'm scared because I know he has a colourful past before I knew him and I don't want to lose my children as I worry he will try to leave the country especially with the eldest.
I'm at my wits end.... need advice please thankyou

I don't wan to leave this unanswered but am also not very knowledgeable. However, I don't think the CB thing is relevant at all. What is more relevant is are you married, is he on the birth certificate, is there a passport and who holds it. As far as I understand it, he shouldn't be able to leave the country with the eldest unless you have given permission. If you have the passport, or if there isn't one, all to the better. I am pretty sure that if you leave you will be able to get the CB signed to you. However, you need proper advice in real life, so please contact Women's Aid as soon as you safely can. They have the answers and practical support.
You need to leave, I think it will be easier than you have built up in your mind particularly if you can get support of friends and family. Good luck!

As PP has said, please contact Women’s Aid and also make sure the children’s passports are somewhere safe where he can’t access them. Then I’d suggest you see a solicitor for proper legal advice. I’m not massively knowledgeable in this area either but the child benefit really isn’t relevant. And support will help, if you can please talk to your family and let them know what’s going on.

Tell your family everything. Tell your friends everything. This nasty shit thrives on secrecy.

You can put a block on the children's passports that will stop him taking them out of the country without you. They'll not get past passport control. Check the home office website.

Thankyou for replying
Means a lot
No we're not married. Yes his name is on all the birth certificates and he looks after the passports for the oldest two.

I'm hoping some more knowledgable posters respond to you OP, I've seen some good info/advice for similar situations on here before. I would cancel the children's passports if you can't get access to them, just to be on the safe side. I'm really not sure about the CB question but hoping bumping your thread will mean you get some more helpful replies

This organisation has some good info (and a helpline) for parents concerned their child may be taken abroad www.reunite.org/pages/advice_line.asp

Firstly don’t assume that he won’t try to take your children abroad. Cancel the passports he is ‘looking after’ and make sure they can’t be renewed without your consent. Make sure the passport office know this and mark their records. Check that he can’t get the children passports from the embassy of his country of origin too. If that is possible you need court orders to prevent them being issued.
The CB is 100% irrelevant. If custody of the children was ever contested the court would consider all of the children’s circumstances and it’s a very very rare case indeed where separation of siblings would be ordered. If he tries to take one or more of the kids you go to court immediately. Don’t wait otherwise a status quo argument would come into play. Keep your kids together and keep them with you

Cancel the passports and get it marked on their records so he can't just reapply. Have you seen a solicitor ? Try and get the half hour free to see what they say.