Sad music upsetting daughter

[deadringer]

Wasn't sure where to put this but hoping someone on here might have some advice. DD is 9 and quite immature for her age I would say. She is dyspraxic with mild sensory issues but I don't know if this issue is related to this. She is a happy healthy child generally. Anyway she can be funny when it comes to music, although she is not particularly sensitive to sound normally. She hates music boxes and gets very upset if someone has one or winds one up in her presence. Sometimes she will say she can't get a piece of music out of her head. Tonight she couldn't sleep, she said she heard some sad music earlier (on a child's toy keyboard so nothing too dramatic) and she couldn't stop hearing it. She was in floods of tears for ages, nothing I said helped, she cried herself to sleep basically. I just wondered if anyone has experience of anything like this and whether it resolved itself.

Yep. DS10 gets emotional when he hears some melancholy music.

He has sensory issues too.

When he was younger he would sob until he couldn't speak - I actually thought he was in pain and didn't know what had happened.

Eventually he would settle enough to say "It was the song. It made me sad." And then the bottom lip would go again and he'd dissolve again.

He would have got this way hearing about something sad that happened to someone else too. Hated films with sad parts.

I actually thought it was the sweetest thing.

I just comforted him but didn't fuss too much. Told him I understood, it was normal to be moved by some music, I was too sometimes, etc, etc.

I wanted to down play it because I suspected that he was more upset about being upset than the music - he is very sensitive and has trouble handling his emotions. So where my DD might watch a sad film or hear sad music and say "Ooh, that's so sad" or "I've a lump in my throat" DS couldn't handle how was feeling. He didn't really know what he was feeling. He was completely overwhelmed.

We talked about different types of people and that some are more sensitive than others and there's nothing wrong with that - it's a good thing - so when he does feel emotional he isn't overwhelmed or freaked out by those feelings.

He's now much much better at dealing with stuff like that now. He gets glassy eyed and a bit of a bottom lip wobble the very odd time but we haven't had any crying for a long long while.

He's learnt that it's ok to be sensitive so he doesn't overreact when he does experience those emotions.

Getting older helps too.

Thank you Damson that really helps. She is not usually sensitive to sad scenes in movies or anything like that, it seems to be just music, especially that sort of high, tinkly music that jewelry/music boxes play. She is a bit lacking in empathy and sometimes finds it hard to read other people's emotions although that is improving.

Aw, there's just something in that type of music that hits her, bless her.

Tbh she sounds very similar to DS.

He wouldn't terribly empathetic either. I know I said he'd be emotional at someone's sadness but that would only be after it was laid out in terms of 'such and such a thing happened to X and now they're sad". He wouldn't recognise it himself.

And tbh I think the reaction to sad scenes is down to the music too. Without sad music I don't think he would know he was supposed to be sad at that part. He quite often doesn't get 'it' when we're watching things.

I wouldn't worry too much. If she's generally very happy and you've no other concerns I think it's sweet that she's so emotional to tinkly music.

No advice for you I'm afraid other than to agree there's something about wind-up music. I had a music box growing up that played the theme from Love Story, and I used to like to play it and have a cry. Maybe you could talk to her about how crying can be beneficial, and it's good to let things out?

Thanks fatballs and Damson. It's more the fact that she can't get it out of her head that worries me, rather than the sadness. She is fine today thank goodness.

Could you help her by playing different music quietly to get the song out her head? Something fairly bland without lyrics? Not quite panpipe moods 😂 but gentle classical music might work. Some of the children's Proms could be good inspiration.

Does she have any happy songs she can sing or listen to? Only way to get rid of an ear worm is to replace it with something else.

Thanks silver and glitter she doesn't really listen to music generally, but I will give it a go if she gets upset again.

I can really relate to this. When I was little my mum used to have to turn the radio off when Simon Bates true stories came on as the music made me so sad. Same with Lassie and Littlest Hobo!

We laugh about it now, but honestly I found it so distressing as a child and couldnt shake the melancholy sounds and thoughts it created from my mind for hours!

I have grown up fairly normal with no particular issues. I just learnt to regulate my emotions.