So very very lonely

[Isthismummyreallyme]

Just that really - not sure where to start. I have do and 2 dc 5years and 6 months. I have family brother sil mum dad aunties etc however no overly close and im not really in the circle. I feel rather pathetic even writing this. I have 1 friend but hardly ever see her very unreliable always has been really.
I have knowone to call when I need to vent don't do anything except look after the kids (on mat leave) I desperately want that group of friends that support each other do things together with kids or otherwise. Dp has close group of friends and tbh I'm starting to resent him for it. Disgusting really but truthfully I'm jealous.

I love my children and most days I feel that they are enough for me but on others I just want adult company I want to laugh and feel free. I want my children to grow up with healthy friendships like their dad has and not like me. Gosh I'm sitting here in tears writing this who knows what's wrong with me!

Not sure what I'm really looking for from this post but have

There's nothing wrong with you and wanting adult company and adult conversation is perfectly normal. I'm craving it myself this weekend, to be honest.

Do you feel there's an imbalance regarding your life and your partner's?

No he very rarely goes out he works full time and is great with the kids. He has constant conversations with his friends over text and I feel I nag him to put his phone down and be present but maybe that's because I don't really know what's it's like anymore to have that group of friends.
Whenever I say I need more he says well go out leave the kids with me I have know where to go and nothing to do. I'm 30 for God sake! Iv been to exercise classes mother and baby groups but everyone seems to have their group of friends already. School mums I have arranged coffee morning and a wine in the local pub but that's where it ends. I'm beginning to think there is something wrong with me and maybe people just don't want to be friends with me.

There is nothing wrong with you and people do want to be friends with you, this young child era does pass. (I felt isolated when my kids were young as I was an older mother and didn't want to gate crash the younger mothers groups). Persevere with your fitness classes/mother - toddler groups, really most people don't do much more.
Can you get a babysitter so your DP can take you out for an evening ? Can you invite neighbours/friends for a chat ? In the meantime vent on here :-)

Op, it's entirely natural (and healthy) you should want friendships and some other stimulation outside of the home. I suggest you think about yourself pre motherhood. Did you have an interest that you could start to pick up? I find I'm best forming friendships around another interest - it gives you something in common to start off with. Also, I think we often think cosy bonding will occur naturally amongst mothers when we have kids, but things can be more difficult than that so you may simply be in need of a plan of action! Maybe arrange a coffee morning - dish out some invites at the school gate to a few friendly faces and take a risk... you'll probably find there are others feeling similarly to you and who'd be delighted to get a chance to meet someone new. Did you have any ante natal contacts? You'll probably find that as the kids grow you will develop friendships along the way. Another thought is: can you and your dp get a babysitter and go out with his friends and their partners or girlfriends?

I often wonder where all the kind, funny, interesting women who post on MN actually live because I certainly never seem to meet them in real life! Much of my isolation is my own fault tbh but I totally understand how you feel, I envy DH's ability to make (and keep) friends and wish I had the sort of social circle other people seem to have. Actually scrap that, one proper, decent, loyal friend would do. OP, you're not alone.

Did you ever have friends or have you always found it difficult to make them?