Will this get better?

[HereBirdies]

DH and I have been together almost 9 years, married for a couple. Recently, all we do is bicker. There's not much DTD, maybe a couple of times a month. 2 small DDs which I don't think helps anything. But I feel like we're just mooching along, slightly annoying each other all the time. I know for sure he does things just to annoy me (think childish mickey taking etc) but then other times he can be nice- running a bath, making dinner, bringing me a glass of wine etc. I'm mega tired, he's unhappy at work; I'm trying to be optimistic that it's just a combination of life, but I'm terrified it's the beginning of the end.

It might get better. How long has it been like this? Sometimes people grow apart, I guess you would know if that applies to you. Young children are hard work, but depends on whether the bickering is just tiredness or you're actually fed up of each other.

OP - this isn’t unusual with two small children. Unfortunately.
How it all will turn out is really up to you two.

It doesn’t have to be beginning of the end. But children change couple’s dynamics, and it takes work to find a new one that works.
Or not.

It’ll only get better if you can both talk it through and find ways to make gradual improvements.

Sit down and talk

We get spells of it every now and then, but this is the worst for a while. It's almost like it's all or nothing- it's great and lovely, then one of us does something annoying or whatever and it's all downhill again.
I think we do need to sit down and talk, but recognising it enough to post on here has taken me a few weeks so that's another big step. I don't want to confront it because I don't want to hear that he wants to call it a day.

When my dh and I talk, I take the line of ‘I love you to bits but I think things could be better’.

I makes sure I’m clear in my own mind of ideas I have on ways we can be different and I make sure to find out what little things he wants to change too. What I don’t do I say you did this, I don’t like that. I try to focus and the future and the ways it could be better starting with ideas on what I could do better so it’s seen as a positive talk rather than descending into argument.

All the more reason not to brush it under the carpet surely? Could you go out for a sunny walk and just say you know things get difficult sometimes but that you love him and that you thank him for the lovely stuff. If you focus on the lovely stuff it makes everyone feel happier

I felt like this when my three were preschool age nothing was terrible but didn't feel I was in a happy marriage. In my experience it Does get better! We started having occasional weekends away just the two of us, I went back to work so money stress was not as bad, I stopped taking the mini pill and rediscovered my sex drive and as the kids get older and easier we genuinely enjoy each other's company and really fancy each other again. I was definitely in a baby/ toddler bubble for a while and preferred my friends company to my husbands but it is definitely the other way round now.

Sorry for the long delay in an update.

We've talked, quite lighthearted but talking about how it's all been a bit awkward, a bit tense and how we're just rubbing each other up the wrong way. We both made an effort not to snap and now I don't need to make an effort, I like him again

It all feels much better.