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Original poster

Is it all over?

18 replies

Notokatall · 21/04/2018 20:56

I've been married for nearly 7 years and in relationship with my OH for 13 years. We have two DC 5 and 2yo.
I've sensed that something is not ok in our relationship but everytime I asked his response was that everything is fine. Until today. I saw a message on his phone from a name I've never heard before, asked him whether this is it and he said yes. He's been having an emotional relationship since beginning of December. They work together but in different departments. He's working evening and nights and he's coming home very early in the morning. His hours and commuting are long. He said they never had sex but it leads that way and he said he told her he loves her. They met in the canteen and went out for a lunch together.
He said he feels stumped on in our relationship and was thinking about ending it. I work part-time and do most of childcare and house work and sometimes I ask him for help. He's always tired and is not very keen on helping...
I was obviously very upset and still feeling awful. Apparently he loves me and he has decided to end up his affair. We have a house together that has been recently refurbished, massive mortgage and a loan.
He is divorced and left his ex and 2 small DC 7&2 when he met me...
Not sure whether our relationship could work again but I think I'll give it a try as there's too much to loose. I'm not British and all my family lives abroad so I'm just asking for some advice and maybe support. I haven't told anyone yet as I'm too upset at the moment.
Sorry if it all sounds confused but that's how I feel at the moment...
Anyone has been through a similar situation? Could it work again or is our marriage doomed?

OP posts:
Dancingmonkey87 · 21/04/2018 20:58

He’s always left him ex wife and dc, it sounds like he’s going to the same to you, I would leave and never look back do you have dc together?

Dancingmonkey87 · 21/04/2018 20:59

Sorry just read you have two dc aswell as his ex wife. It doesn’t sound very good he leaving his ex and dc and now he’s chatting up someone else when your at home with dc. He has an pattern here.

Original poster
Notokatall · 21/04/2018 20:59

Yes, we have 2 DC. 5 and 2 yo...

OP posts:
Dancingmonkey87 · 21/04/2018 21:01

I also noticed the similar age of dc when he left his first wife and the age of yours more
Likely the hardest age group between 2-7.

Original poster
Notokatall · 21/04/2018 21:03

That's what I told him... instead of pulling his socks up and fight, he leaves...

OP posts:
Dancingmonkey87 · 21/04/2018 21:04

It sounds like he didn’t want to deal with the parenting side and left his first wife and now he is repeating the same pattern here. It makes me wonder why he would have dc again.

expatinscotland · 21/04/2018 21:07

He's got a pattern going here. He's doing to you what he did to his ex. Bullshit he hasn't had sex with her. He has and she broke it off that's why he wants to try again. He's a lying sack of shit who has form for this. He goes around sprogging kids, doing FA with them (it's not 'helping', btw), gets bored and moves on.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2018 21:08

Yes, or at least it should be as far as you are concerned

Sally2791 · 21/04/2018 21:11

History tends to repeat itself unless someone gets help

Mmdck · 21/04/2018 21:49

Wait, you’ve been with your partner for 13 years and he has a 6 and 2 yo with his ex wife? Have I misread? So he cheated on either you or his ex? I’m confused.

Mmdck · 21/04/2018 21:50

Sorry that should have read 7&2 yo.

Mmdck · 21/04/2018 21:52

If you and the ex both have 2 year olds, it means he was playing you both at the same time. He sounds like a man who always thinks the grass is greener. I’d run now while your kids a fairly young. He doesn’t sound like a keeper at all. Lots of luck Flowers

Original poster
Notokatall · 21/04/2018 21:57

His kids from previous relationship are 19 and 14 now.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/04/2018 22:26

Ypu were the ow, now you are replaced. It's the natural cycle when you hitch your wagon to this type of character....

BuzzButterfly · 21/04/2018 22:29

His affair has been nearly six months and sounds like love and probably sex. Sorry to say it's not just a brief fling, several months is a long time to cheat. I can't see that it's worth trying to salvage the relationship, he's left it already. Sorry Flowers

Dancingmonkey87 · 21/04/2018 23:02

I’m guessing by the timeline of your relationship and age of your dc you were the ow and there was a cross over in his previous relationship and yours starting? It sounds like he’s setting up a new relationship in which to leave and leave you the majority of childcare. If he says he loves her and it’s been going on six month it’s highly likely they are having sex. I would leave him personally have you got support from your family abroad?

Aquathest · 21/04/2018 23:17

How involved was he in his first two DCs lives, after he left them and his XW?

How he behaved then should be an indication of how he will treat you and your DC now

crimsonlake · 22/04/2018 00:48

And now you are in the same shoes as the ex, what did you expect?

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