Think I have just ended my marriage

[Rainbowcat1]

Background - together 18 years, married for 10 years with 2 primary aged children.

The past 18 months things have not been right. I tried to get my husband to address a few things. We even did 6 months st Relate but it then turned out he has depression. He has finally got help for that in the past few months.

I think that I have checked out & although I love him. It isn’t the right kind of love. I don’t fancy him anymore.

I told all this today & he has just walked out. He has been gone for over an hour & a half now. I don’t want to split my family up but I don’t know if it is possible to get those feelings back once they have gone.

Not sure what I am asking really? Just scared of what the future will hold if I am on my own and how I will manage as a single Mum 😢

I am in a very similar position to you except we're still under the same roof plodding on wondering who is going to be the one to finally end it!

My fears are the same as yours. All I can say is that you're brave to have had the conversation with him. I guess you need to see what he says when he comes home, if he comes home.

Do you have some real life support? Friends or family nearby?

Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation. It is horrible- I am on a roller coaster of emotions. I am so exhausted of trying to work it out.

He just texted me as I sent one asking him to come home so we can talk & he replied he has nothing to say.

My parents have our children this weekend as I would normally call my mum. Not sure I am ready to tell my friends yet although they all know what has been happening. I feel so sick right now.

Hi Rainbow, I’m in a vet similar boat. We had that conversation Friday. Even after months of counselling he still looked and acted surprised. No real response and we carried on as usual today.
For your dh I’m sure he is just taking some time to process it. I think sometimes if we have checked out, we are much further mentally down the road and they need time and space to catch up. If your mind is made up then I’m sure you will be fine going forward, most people find a way-I’m sure you can too.

You can get back from this (if you want) - I'm 3 years on from where you DH got help and after a couple of years I've been able to check back in...

I had a place lined up to rent etc. I did not think back then we would be where we are now. DH hasn't had some huge miraculous recovery but he has also checked back into me/us.

Just an alternate/rare view!

I said I'd give 2 years for it to improve because it had taken a few years to fall apart.

Thanks for the messsages. Sorry to hear you are in a similar position Takeme it is such a hard place to be. I keep thinking am I making the biggest mistake of my life?

Random - I am glad you have managed to work it out. It has taken us years to get to this place but I just can’t see a way back. I have tried so many things to reconnect with him and just feel completely worn out by it all.

It take me saying it was over and I was leaving tbh!

Not sure what DH changed but he did take on just how much his behaviour had hurt me, I suppose he stopped thinking about himself? We did relocate which drew us as family more together.

My DC were junior ages whereas you are still very much dealing with the "grunt" work of younger DC.

Sorry to hear this. It's hard at the moment but you'll be better off in the long run and work out the single parenting. Think of how you can meet someone wonderful in the future and be much happier!

Thanks Rainbow. I too have that thought of am I messing up my own and my family’s life. Then I think about the next 40 years and I’m reassured changing things is better for everyone. It is tough and I tell myself it will get tougher before it gets better but it will get better. It will because it cannot continue as is. Seems we are sadly facing the same difficulties.