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Original poster

Once a liar always a liar?

13 replies

D456 · 21/04/2018 16:08

Just looking for some advice opinions if anyone has any better experience..

I'm fairly young and have been dating my partner for a few years. He's got a drink problem (has been on and off of drugs as well). He's also fairly young and it's only over the past year I've realised the extent of his problem.

there's been a lot of lies in attempt to try and hide when he's been drinking and I have given him multiple chances but this isn't all he's lied about. There's been little things here and there which have really got to me. One was not so long ago when we had an argument (at this point i had told him I didn't want to be in a relationship) and he got drunk and I found out he'd kissed another woman. He told me this a while later when he was drinking and blamed it on the drink saying he didn't know what he was doing and that it was because we had an argument.

Another issue is that I found out not so long ago that he has a past with a couple of friends we have been meeting. This came out in conversation and I said to him since that I wasn't comfortable with him meeting these friends. He has been friends which them for a long time which has caused a bit of a problem as he didn't want to annoy them by saying he couldn't meet them. To an extent I can understand this and I know some people may see it as being controlling but it really is something I just get very uncomfortable with despite the fact I know he wouldn't do anything with them now.

The problem is i was meant to be meeting him today and when I called he said he now can't as this friend wants him to go to an event of his. When I called him saying I wasn't happy about this as we already had plans the friends was round his and he said he just didn't want to annoy them.

It just seems with him that there is more and more lies one after another. I don't want to stop him from seeing people but I can't help but constantly think he's hiding stuff from me. please be honest if you think I am over exaggerating or whether I'm in my right mind not to trust him?

I want to believe he can change and will stick to what he says (he constantly promises he will do what I want to save our relationship) although he does things like this which he knows I am not comfortable with.

Sorry for the long message, just looking for some opinions on it really! Thank you Xx

OP posts:
Tomboytown · 21/04/2018 16:12

I would say so yes.

NeedForBlossom · 21/04/2018 16:20

I think you are not in your right mind if you stay with him...

SomeKnobend · 21/04/2018 16:22

FFS you're wasting your life on a complete loser. Liar, cheat, drink and drug problem - you can do better than this! Get rid ASAP, raise your standards and be happy.

Sn0tnose · 21/04/2018 16:23

He has a drink problem. He's an on and off drug user. He's kissed another woman. He's cancelled plans with you to spend time with a friend and it's okay to cancel on you but he doesn't want to annoy his friend.

His inability to tell the truth is not your only problem here.

TattyCat · 21/04/2018 16:26

Sadly, once a liar, always a liar. I'm nearly 50 and I know this, without a shadow of a doubt. But you have to make your own mistakes to get to where I am.

RainyApril · 21/04/2018 16:26

Yes ime people capable of lying will continue to do so whenever it suits them to do so.

They may want to change, they may fully intend to change, they may mean their promises when they say them, but they will not change; the benefits of lying outweigh any disadvantages.

TattyCat · 21/04/2018 16:36

They may want to change, they may fully intend to change, they may mean their promises when they say them, but they will not change; the benefits of lying outweigh any disadvantages.

^^ This. With bells on.

helpmum2003 · 21/04/2018 17:48

Leave him. Don't waste your life.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2018 17:51

Raise your bar for goodness sake

snowbear66 · 21/04/2018 19:48

he constantly promises he will do what I want to save our relationship

Actions speak louder than words though, if you want a stable relationship he can't give you that, he's selfish.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/04/2018 20:34

You've been dating him for a few years; is this man all you think you deserve?. Why have you also chosen to heap such misery upon yourself?. How many times has he already told you that he will change?.

Is this really what you learnt about relationships when growing up, why is your bar so very low here that you are in a relationship with such a man at all?. What is in this for you still?. What is your payoff here; what are you getting from being with such a person?. Why are you wanting to believe he can change at all; are you that stuck on the sunken costs fallacy?. You sound completely and utterly overinvested in this.

EllaMaybe83 · 21/04/2018 20:49

10 years down the line, 2 kids...yep he’s still a liar and I wish I’d trusted my gut in the early days and run for the hills. A bit more tricky now.

Leave now and don’t look back!

Original poster
D456 · 21/04/2018 22:09

Thank you for all your responses I really appreciate them!

I guess I've not had the best upbringing nor childhood relationships which is why I think I keep ending up in situations like this although I do know he probably will not change and I won't be happy in the long run!

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