Hello, long time lurker, first time poster. I don’t really know what I’m looking for because I think I already know the answer, but I would really appreciate your thoughts. Sorry it’s long!
I started seeing bf nearly one year ago. Mutual friend introduced us. The first few months were a bit of a whirlwind. I’d certainly never experienced anything like it before. I couldn’t stop thinking about him and we were very happy. He asked me to move in, because of other responsibilities and location I couldn’t. I was probably blunter than I should have been but I was caught by surprise by the offer. Tried to talk to him about it and he said he was fine with it but I think I hurt him. Pretty much lived at his half the week anyway.
A couple more months later and we are out in town and suddenly ring shopping. Bit freaked out, gave him lots of opportunities to walk away and laugh it off. It was 100% what I wanted too but I was worried it was so soon. He said he was 100% sure. We choose an amazing ring and after going to lunch to think about it, he practically dragged me back to the jewellers to buy it. We went on holiday, had a wonderful time and when we got back he asked my dad for his permission to marry me (which I don’t really agree with as I am not my dad’s property but it would have meant a lot to him so..) I’ve met his family many times. Been on family days out and weekends away with all of them, spent lots of time with his friends etc. All of them he openly told about our plans for a future together. I’m not going to lie, I was practically planning the wedding in my head already.
fast forward a few more months. Wednesday morning I wake up at his and talk to him about his plans to go away with friends in a few weeks time. (I’m going to add here that I have and would never tell him he couldn’t go, just that I would miss him for 2 weeks) he tells me he isn’t happy and doesn’t know how he feels about me anymore.
I got dressed and quickly grabbed my things, just wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. I told him I wasn’t sure I could be with someone who didn’t know if they wanted to be with me or not. No yelling no drama. He kissed my forehead and I left for work.
Firstly, I am annoyed that he dropped the bombshell at a time when there wasn’t enough time to talk about it as we both had to leave for work.
Secondly, it was completely out of the blue. We had been looking at houses midway between our two locations (35mins apart) and talk marriage and babies regularly. But looking back, maybe there were a couple of signs but I thought it was us naturally separating slightly as the relationship grew and also I could just be making myself paranoid by over thinking.
It’s now Saturday AM and I haven’t heard from him.
I am proud of myself for reacting as I did as I have been a doormat before and for not contacting him since.
I really did think he was the one. Things had changed recently but I had put that down to the first few months being over and settling into life together. We don’t argue, have very similar views and can talk openly about things. It was certainly the most relaxed and happiest I have ever been in a relationship. FYI I am 32 and he is 37.
But now I’m so hurt and angry. He must know how upset I have been the last few days and not even a txt! I have lots of questions that I will probably never get an answer to.
Best friend is convinced he will come back, just had a commitment freak out after being so full at the start. Not massively helpful as it gives me hope which just leads to more hurt down the road, and even if he did come back, how could I trust him not to bolt again when times really got tough?
Still in shock/ lots of tears phase at the moment. I am also old enough to be feeling out that it means I will never get the family life I really want. Any advise would be hugely appreciated x