Divorce

[Exmouthlady]

After a bit of advice please.
I'm currently seperated from my husband after being married for just a year. He has filed for divorce which I disagree with his reasons, it's not the issue.

My problem is the financial settlement. I appreciate it's a short marriage and thus usually results in a no claim. However, he was always far more financially stable than me.

He owns his own house and a couple of other properties, I'm now renting. During our marriage we also set up 3 businesses together. 2 were joint and 1 was mine.

Anyway, he has offered me 12.5k as full settlement on the basis that I do not claim on the marital home, on either business and allow him to retain all stock for my business.

I also still have possessions at the marital home and he has given me 21 days to remove everything even though he knows I don't have the space in my current home. He has advised my things will be disposed of if I don't take everything.

He earns around 40k a year to my 25k. I am also registered disabled.

He has a solicitor and he knows that I cannot afford a solicitor myself. He has also said I can only have the financial settlement if I agree to his terms of divorce.

I'm feeling blackmailed and bullied by him. I can't talk to him as he refuses to answer my calls, and he has also said that if I do anything to increase his solicitors costs, he will reduce my settlement.

Is anyone able to share any words of wisdom?

Is there any kind of legal aid in your country? Help based on income? Being disabled can you get free legal advice? You need advice and not be alone with making decisions. I’m sorry your going through this.

Are you in the UK? If so, you get 30 minutes free advice from a solicitor and if you employ one, you'll only have to pay once you're divorced and have received your settlement.

Are the businesses successful? Do you work for them and is your own business to continue being your own? How long were you together before you married?

How long were you together before marriage?

It doesn’t matter if the marriage was short. I’m not a solicitor but dividing the assets is not spousal support (which is generally the no claim bit after such a short marriage) and surely the combined worth of three businesses and a property has to be more than 24k?! And he gets to keep all three businesses but you have to cash out?

Sounds like he’s taking the piss and hoping he can bully you enough that you roll over for it.

£300-400 now for a couple of hours with a good solicitor would be money well spent. Ignore the crap about his solicitor’s costs etc. If you want to get the most out of your time with your solicitor you’ll want to take as much info in as you can. What the three businesses are worth (profits, turnover, sale value) and the house value plus anything else (cars, valuables etc) worth counting.

Tell him to get stuffed with removing the property from the house. Not sure why you moved out, but you have every right to be living there until the settlement is completed and he has no right to dispose of your property. Tell him that and ask your solicitor where you stand on it if he carries out his threat.

He’s looking to bully you OP in the hope you slink away quietly. Not sure why he thinks you “deserve” this but you need to understand your rights and enforce them - quickly.

I was taken to a very low place by my divorce. My ex-wife screwed me on the financial side and I knew that very well, but I just wanted to get out. I therefore agreed to her terms on the basis that it was only money and I could always earn more of it if I wanted to. It was very much the right thing to do for me. Her psychological abuse had removed any desire to stand up for myself, but time has proved my decision correct.

Do bear in mind that you have to agree on a settlement before a divorce can be granted; that agreement can be reached between yourselves, or it can be reached after paying thousands to solicitors. At the end of the day the solicitors win every time, whether or not you lose, so I am very wary of instructing them to fight my corner when it results in their own nest being very well feathered.

For a marriage of only a year, as the less well off partner, i would be looking for a settlement which made me no less well of than i would have been, had the marriage never happened. How does his offer compare to that?

Cricrichan. Trust me. Trying to find a solicitor that will actually grant 30 mins free isn't as easy as it sounds and I've also been told that they won't give specific advise on finances as it's often too complex.

I no longer work the businesses, I'm not allowed as they are based from his home. They are busy but still in infancy stages by way of profits.

We were together for 3 years before marriage, but didn't live together.

Have your three businesses even had a chance to generate a profit yet?

Could you put your belongings in storage?

I think you should take legal advice but I'm not sure that an offer of 12k is unreasonable given the duration of the marriage and the other info posted here.

I don't have access to any of the business accounts etc. He has made sure of that. Nor a true figure of his assets but I estimate that all together is around 500k.

I'm worse off now as I've had to take a smaller house, hence no space now for my personal possessions. My travel to work distances are much longer and subsequently my fuel cost are substantially higher.

I put 3 yrs hard graft into the businesses with no return.

The businesses are returning profits and are continuing to grow.
I can't afford to put things into storage as my circumstances won't be changing anytime soon unless my house suddenly grows more rooms. I'm already having to pay out £200pm in travelling expenses for work that I didn't have before.

He is bullying you. It's not that hard to get a free half hour with a solicitor - I've done it - but make sure you take as much (clearly laid out) financial information with you as you can so the solicitor has a chance to assess the situation.

I am in a not dissimilar situation, but I decided to see a solicitor on the grounds that the fees will probably cost me about £5000 (original estimate) but the value of assets that I am fighting stbx for is hugely more than that. Could you suck up costs of £200 or so for an hour's meeting with a good solicitor if you don't want to go for the free half hour? Should give you a clear idea anyway as to whether it's worth going ahead.

Don't just let him bully you into walking away with nothing.

Thank you ladies. I have contacted a firm of solicitors for advice.

My concern is that we initially agreed a settlement verbally and his solicitor wrote to me. I agreed but with 1 added point that my ex was not to contact me or my family at any point in the future.

The new settlement has gone from 4 points to 12 and the list of things I'm not to do ie claim on his house, claim on the businesses was not initially included. This just raises my concern that he thinks I'd have a legitimate claim and is heading me off.

He is a control freak and needs the last word, so no matter how I respond, he will move the goal posts as that's what he does.

He had initially said he would keep hold of my possessions until I was able to sort things out even if it took years, now it's 21 days!!!

You're still married and your property is allowed to be in his house. If you started the business together and are joint owners then he has to buy you out or you can stay in the business. Why does he get to keep the businesses?!

If they're worth £500k then you should definitely see a solicitor, that's a lot of money. Please ignore his stupid commands and threaten to go to the police if he destroys your property. You may also have a claim on the house of you've been.together for long enough etc.but you need to see a good solicitor

It's his properties/assets that are worth 500k and this is what he has tried to get me to agree not to claim on. The businesses are worth less, but continue to grow.

The stock retail value on my business is worth around 5k. He has told me if I want it, I again have 21 days to collect knowing I have no storage facility when he has more than enough.

What was his original offer? If that is acceptable then you can say, even now that you will accept it, the counter offer could be bluff and remember he will be advised by his solicitor to settle if they think he has got a good deal.

All settlements are subject to no further claims on business etc so that might just be standard wording.

You should get a solicitor to review wording of any deal and despite the cost it is worth it.

Did you get income as an employee in the business ? There could be a claim there.How come he now has your business if you were sole owner?

Re your stuff...it is reasonable for him to ask for your things to be removed, 21 days might be unreasonable but ultimately you need a solution so think about what you can do within a reasonable timeframe and counter offer.Perhaps post a question here on legal, regarding the specifics.I think if you offer a timeframe, that is fair; his solicitor will advise him to accept.

It is truly awful dealing with a controlling bully, its painful emotionally and financially.

Try to focus on what you have now gained rather than lost and just know that life will get better.
Be grateful you can walk away and not have contact...he maybe wealthy but he is unlikely to have true happiness if he treats people badly.

The original offer was the same financially and that I accept it as full and final settlement. Now it comes with all the caveats.

I was never paid a salary as we agreed income from the business would pay for holidays. He booked a cruise for us on that basis. My name has now been removed.

All the stock from my business, it was online retail, remains in his possession and thus he has staked his claim on it. I've had to stop trading although I still have business expenses with site fees etc.

It looks like I'll have to allow him to dispose of my possessions as I literally have no space and can't afford storage. Even if I could afford storage, it would be very long term as my housing situation isn't going to change anytime soon.

Personally I don't care if he is ever happy or not. His life isn't my concern and I believe in karma. The scary part is this man is a qualified councillor and works in mental health.

Did he have those assets before you started your relationship? Have you seen a solicitor and do up I know where you stand? Don't listen to what he says and writes, get professional advice.

Yes, he did. I've spoken to a solicitor today and have an appointment on Tuesday.

He has absolutely no right to dispose of your possessions like that! You are still married and your stuff is in the marital home, I assume? He is just trying to bounce you into something double quick, hoping that you'll be panicked into agreeing with what he wants.

Get onto that solicitor asap!!

Sorry - cross post.

How long do you think it would be reasonable for him to hold on to your possessions for if you have no room for them in your home and cannot afford storage? You state that these are both long-term issues? What solution can you offer him?

He was very catagoric previously that he would keep my things for as long as needed. I said it could takes years. He said it wasn't an issue. He had more then enough space, it wasn't costing anything and he understood how important a couple of items were to me. Including a hand made bookcase made by my dad for me 25years ago.

How I resolve this is the problem as I simply don't have a solution, so afore mentioned bookcase will end up as firewood.

But actually, now he's had time to reflect he's come to the conclusion that it's not reasonable to keep someone else's large belongings indefinitely.

Splitting up is always painful and having your property in someone else's home or vice versa is not possible in the longer term. It's in both your interests to find a solution to this asap so that you can both move on. I understand that this is painful but he can't keep your stuff forever, and if he did then he'd be enjoying it/using it not you anyway.

He isn't using it. It's being stored in the storage area of one of the houses he owns along with items belonging to his parents etc.

I fully appreciate it needs to be dealt with. He has told me not to contact his solicitor and he won't speak to me. So difficult to wave a magic solution wand when he refuses to communicate and I've 21 days to come up with a solution.

Do you have anyone to help with storage of a few items? I think his offer of indefinite storage was probadly unrealistic, just think about damage or insurance..there is a host of potential conflicts down the line if your stuff remains at his.

You can communicate wirh his solicitor to offer a revision of terms, ultimately you will have to sign something so will involve solicitors contact.