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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIl problems

4 replies

rubysmama1 · 20/04/2018 20:03

Hello

i live with my partner and DD who is 5

Okay so here it goes i use to have a great relationship with my Mil Untill recently

So Just before easter We was asked to go down to hers for easter and i said i didn't know then i said we was going to see my mum with my partner and daughter and my 3 other sibilings as ive never spent any holidays with them so fancied something different this year i usually go to MIL's so lets make this bit quick so i fell out with my mum soon as my Mil found out she said to me are you going to your mums i said no were staying at home, she said ok and i told he we would come around at dinner time to do a easter egg hunt and she said that was fine, comes to the day OH tell her were coming down now she says shes not changed and the kids have not tided up (shes abt of a hoarder) so oh is angry with her because she had plenty of time to sort this out and now DD is upset because she wants to see Mil so partner tells her right do it tmoz but come up here as we are always going down there to see her so she says ok

Cue the day after, Mil says when are you bringing DD down oh says asked you to bring her up here Mil says sod you then and says were invited to hers weeks ago then mentions he fact that my plans with my mum fell through and that i invited my sister upto mine (she lives quiet far so i dont get to see her that often) and that we invited Mil as an after thought( later on that day when dd was suppose to go to Mil OH offered for her to come up) and he reasoning for her not doing this easter egg was because she has her boyfriend staying over and hey told partner that non of told her we had our own plans (read further up the chat i did tell her!) and now Mil is getting ready to go out! rather then come and see dd

Mil brings my mum into and says my mum does nothing with DD even thought my mum works and then Mil bring up all the things she paid for DD to do have etc OH tell her she hasn't do anything with DD lately Mil says she has a life now her kids have grown up (20 15 23)

Then told OH that we foiled her easter plans said we didn't involve her even though we tried to go down

i ended up taking Mil off facebook because of what she said about my mum Mil confronts OH and asks why OH explains then she says shes had enough of both of us and that we take the p*ss and Mil annouces that shes deleting fb anyway OH leaves it at that

2 hours later Mil messages OH again saying "im getting rid of facebook and messenger" OH says ok why? Mil says because i am OH says ok then (oh thinks shes looking for attention) Mil says DD is the one loosing out OH Ignores again

Mil Pops up again saying tbh i wont be coming anywhere near yours now Laura made it personal when she unfriended me the MiL says she didn't say anything about my mum and its Bullcrap and that deep down OH knows DD would rather come and see her then stay with my family and that she feels sorry for DD, OH tells her she did say something about my mum and then she says "f* off is this laura now" then blocks Takes her facebook down for a week then puts back up again blocks me OH my mum and 4 of my sisters and brother that shes NEVER talked to

Basically what am asking is how do i deal with a Mil that thinks that we should spend every ocession with her and as you can see kicks off if we only spend half of a day with her if my oh posts a picture of food and were out shes says wheres my invite my daughters 3rd birthday i was gonna take her to the zoo MIL said i should wait till she can come and i told her no but we would take dd round to see her she kicked off told OH its too cold for the zoo started checking the weather and checking coach trips

im sick of never spending time as a family of 3 or if i choose to spend it with someone other then MIL this happens she kicks off and then refuses to see DD she hasnt seen DD for over a month I sent her a message 2 weeks ago to try sort things out and shes ignored it

So the question is where do i go from here

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 20/04/2018 20:12

Her loss.

Leave her to her sulks.

PrizeOik · 20/04/2018 20:15

Just leave it. Let your OH take care of the relationship with his mum. If she doesn't see DD, so be it, her choice.

It's really important that you learn to just smile, nod and move on when it comes to OH family members. You don't need to get involved in huge Jeremy Kyle dramas just because the other person is spoiling for a fight.

RainyApril · 20/04/2018 22:35

To be fair, she invited you for Easter and you told her you'd be spending it with your family. It was only when your plans fell through that you agreed to visit mil.

You then contacted her on the day and your oh got cross with her because she hadn't tidied up yet, and told her to come to you the next day instead.

You were the first to involve Facebook, when you deleted her.

In short, I can see fault on both sides and it seems to be a completely unnecessary family drama borne out of miscommunication and quick tempers.

I would usually suggest that oh deals with it but since you feel she criticised your mum, and she feels you deleted her on Facebook unnecessarily, you may have to get together if you want to sort it out. Life really is too short for this crap. If you all love each other, just get together and sort it out.

Isetan · 21/04/2018 09:07

There is fault in both sides and did you really think that unfriending your MIL on Facebook would have no consequences?

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