FWB situation

[Tahini123]

Sorry, just need to get this off my chest. Any insight would be great!

Been in a FWB arrangement since Jan. We've had a fair bit of sex - ranges from around 4 times a week and then a gap of a week and a half then back on it again. About 3 weeks ago we had a talk about no attachments, we're never going to date etc. TBH it felt like he was trying to needle me. Just to add, he also blew me out once for a date with another woman and sent a pic of her to me.

Anyway, 2 days ago after sex, I caught my FWB staring at me for ages and I asked him what was up. He said something about how great I'd look with him on holiday in a bikini. Also asked what I'd cook him if we were dating. Then said, "no, no we're probably argue" (we do argue a bit). He's jokingly said about going out for a drink. He's sometimes asks if I'm having sex with anyone else. We left on good terms.

He wanted some career advice so I text him twice that evening - no response. I wasn't that shocked because he's inconsistent with texting and absolutely hates it. Next day I text him about our next meet...still no response. Getting suspicious I text again (needy texter and he knows it) "have I pissed you off?". Still no response. I believe he's blocked me. I've been in tears and not sure why. I know we're incompatible that's why I never bit with the holiday offer. I just really, really want closure if it's over. I don't expect to ever hear from him again (unless he gets desperate for sex).

This is the short version.

Ha, you're correct meowimacat. I was relieved this morning when I received a text.

Now I've written it down I do feel quite embarrassed about everything.

I've noticed that he regularly adds women on facebook but within a few days they're gone. Not sure if they're unfriending him or vice versa. Probably finding them on POF.

A friend suggested that the anal was rape. I'm not interested in following that up, though.

Thanks to everyone who's offered advice.

Seriously lovely lass .. pick up your self respect and walk away

You have to be brutally honest with yourself when entering a FWB situation. If you go in liking the guy and hoping it will turn into a relationship you've wrongfooted yourself from the beginning. FWB is a casual sex arrangement, analysing waiting hoping expectations shouldn't even come into it.

Much less putting up with needling comments. Not that any form of relationship should entail putting up with it, but certainly not a sex only situation

At least you now know for certain that FWB is not for you.

Thank you, Gemini69

'A friend suggested that the anal was rape.'

It's not just a suggestion. It was rape. You need to take a long break from dating and work on boundaries and self esteem.

It's hard when I feel so damn shitty about myself and not worth any better.

Right hun what you need to do now is work on YOU. Stop dating for a bit, don't get into any more FWB. In fact just become a nun for a bit. Go on YouTube and watch self love videos. Read about self care. Look after YOU. Be brutally honest with yourself about why you allowed someone to treat you this way. I know my mum brought me up to have no self worth. She also put me down a lot and made me feel crappy, so dating guys who made me feel crappy about myself felt 'normal.' We have to change that normal. We have to realise we are worth something.

Today my FWB (not that I ever agreed to be that) messaged me asking why I blocked him. All day I have thought about him and missed him. However, as I said before, this is an ego boost. They know we have feelings and they don't care about us. I know I'm better than to fall for this, so am not replying.

Learn to love yourself and you'll realise just how much more you deserve xxx

He texted me this morning about meeting later in the day. I spent my entire shift flapping that he'd change his mind. I was weak and caved. Annoyingly the sex was the best we've had but after he started his usual bs....talking about ex's,misses one of his ex's, when are we getting married??, telling me his mate has been asking about me, wants me to add him on facebook (obviously so he can discuss me with said mate), then started something up about he's going into Europe for a few days???, lots of big talk too. Anyway, usual nonsense. Found out he lied about Tinder. Plus he was discharged from the army for drugs and not a knee problem,ha. After all what's gone off one thing really, really, really turned me off. He'd been offloading for ages and when I tried to talk about a dream of mine he just said, "boring". Very likely the straw that broke the camel's back. Feel like fucking him over in revenge but that would mean I'm still emotionally invested. I said something which suggested I was getting attached to him....should have seen his face....absolutely loved that and started asking a million questions. Feels like the power balance shifted today.

meowimacat, thank you. I think we may have been brought up by the same type of mother?? I will check out some of the self-care videos. I thoroughly recommend 'compassionate mind' therapy. Really, really need to get back on that.

He also said, "I'm not looking anymore. If a beautiful lady comes along I'll settle with her and have a baby."

Lovely.