Leaving a DV relationship (scared about access issues)

[LifeEndedIn2017]

I am planning to leave my DV relationship. Currently getting my ducks in a row re: childcare and finances. One major concern is that DP will DEFINITELY try to get access to our baby son (he is on the birth certificate). But DP has been physically and emotionally abusive to me (and was with his ex, yet still got unsupervised access to their daughter).

Recently I have seen him emotionally abuse my two children from a previous relationship (that was the final straw which sealed my decision to leave) so I'm very concerned he will do the same to our son.

I guess I've created this thread for advice and hand-holding. I am terrified.

My questions:

1. Is there any chance I can get a court order preventing access or supervised access only?

1. If such an order is unsuccessful, what would be the penalty (to myself) if I simply withhold access?

Preventing access is unlikely although it is hard to advise without a lot more information. Only in the most extreme cases is there a total block on direct contact. The key is what is best for the child- and usually having a relationship- of some kind-with both parents is considered to be very important.
Supervised contact is more achievable though does come with difficulties such as who is going to facilitate and pay for the supervision? If you have any neutral friends or family members that can help this is always a plus. However, ultimately if he doesnt accept the need for supervised contact and is motivated to take this to court to get unsupervised contact, it will be for a court to decide and they should conduct a risk assessment due to your concerns.
If you don't send your child for contact without a court order, there is nothing that anyone can do to make you at this stage, but you need to think really carefully about whether this is the right decision for your child or whether the risks can be managed another way perhaps by it taking place at a family members home. However if you have serious concern about your child's safety you must do what you think is necessary to protect them.
If a court order is in place and you ignore it- you risk fines, unpaid work orders, and in a worse case scenario, losing residence of your child or prison. Not advised.
Best of luck with your move. I would suggest getting in touch from a domestic violence organisation as they will be able to anonomously advise you further.

Thanks Beatriz

I've witnessed him emotionally abusing children in his care. The thought of letting him have the baby unsupervised terrifies me. But unless I can provide proof courts will grant him access? What kind of proof do they need? Video proof?

I am not sure what you are asking...if you have evidence to back up your concerns it is always helpful and should be shared wih decision makers. I really would not advise secretly filming him if thats what you mean that can easily backfire and you be made to look manipulative and as if you were setting him up. Sorry if I have misunderstood that!
As I said before, is highly likely that some form of contact will be granted if he applies for it, your best approach will be to make sure the courts are aware of all the issues to make an informed decision about the need for supervision etc. and seek advice from Womens Aid or similar and legal advice if you can afford it.