DH left glass in middle of floor and it’s my fault?

[Ruby32]

DH got in from work and I brought him a drink and then made his dinner and brought it through for him on a tray with a second drink. He put his drink down on the floor and in the mean time I fed toddler and cleaned up. I asked DH to bring his dishes through. DH moved seat and sat with toddler. I went to leave the room to go back to the kitchen and tripped over dh’s favourite glass (he hadn’t brought this through with the rest of his dishes) that went flying and broke. He shouted at me and blamed me for not looking where I’m going. The glass was in the walkway to get out of the room and had been left by dh in a place he was no longer sitting and in as right out in the way. I was also rushing around looking after him and our toddler. I’m really
upset and feeling a bit taken for granted. What does everybody think?

You didn’t make a mistake today, he did and blamed (shouted at!) you.

If he’s doing this regularly it’s nasty.

I’d even asked him if he wanted to sit out in the garden in the sun to relax because I got to when dc napped earlier on. I had an hour and ate my lunch.

Thanks everyone. I won’t tolerate him speaking to me that way and I’ve let him know.

It wasn’t your fault. Stand up for yourself and you need to stop waiting on him.
I’m all for helping each other out and doing something nice but all that bringing his drink in, bringing a tray in, asking him for his dirty dishes so you could wash them isn’t doing you any favours.
Would he definitely do all that for you while you sat around?

Thanks, I think he would. I guess I would get up and bring things in without being asked though. His excuse was that I was expecting things done at speed of lightening to which I replied I only asked him to bring them in so that they didn’t get stood on and broken and I was doing the dishes so I needed them.

Mike I know you were joking and I chuckled

IMO some people (and I have to say it's men more often than not) get angrier the more guilty they feel. He knew the glass shouldn't have been there and that not only has he lost it for ever but the toddler could have got hurt - and that was too much to accept, so he had to find someone to blame i.e. the person who fell over it This is not to excuse such behaviour, merely to explain it. Not so long ago I was on a course with a module about handling difficult clients (local government employer - it's always the council's fault!), and among the various triggers for customers turning violent, their own embarrassment is a major one.

XH and my dad were both champion exponents of the art. One day XH left a soldering iron switched on, hanging over a radiator. DS1 toddled over, picked it up and burned his fingers. It was my fault because I "should have known" that some cosmic idiot had left a hot garage tool in the lounge at the perfect height for a child to find. (DS was fine btw. He also survived the pot of tea I failed to stop him tipping over his arm - that one really was my fault .)

What a prat he sounds, tell him to sod off!

Has he at any stage actually thanked you for all the things you've done for him since he got home?

No

"His favourite glass" why are you married to a stroppy toddler? Does he also have a bestest plate, a special spoon and a blanket he can't sleep without ?

He didn’t used to be like this.

Lemme guess, it started shortly after you were married/had a child?

"His favourite glass" made me actually lol.

I had a favourite mug... when I was 10.

Thanks, he has now admitted it was his failure and said sorry but is sat sulking. Our toddler fell asleep next to dh and he hasn’t even put him in his pjs and I told him to bring him up and he said he’s half asleep and left him there on sofa next to him. Dc was fully alsleep and I’ve been down, and got dc and put to bed. Dh’s behaviour is making me angrier as the evening goes on.

Diego exactly, I don’t have a favourite glass but have to admit I do have my own cup. Ironically he broke his last one so I bought him another one in a similar design.

fault

I’m not sure exactly when it started. I think since we bought our house he just seemed to get angrier. It’s almost as if he takes his problems out on me.

Dh ate cereal in bed last night and obenkiay noticed he left his bowl in the bedroom. I’m leaving it there and observing how long it takes for him to take it down before it grows mound.

I’ve noticed

I think since we bought our house he just seemed to get angrier. It’s almost as if he takes his problems out on me.

well yes, he has you locked in now. Married, child, house. He can relax and be himself now.

Ruby32 you brought his food to him on a tray and his drink, looked after the child all day but he needs TLC because he had a rough day, and then running off to bake some brownies and in doing so kicking over his special glass which he left on the floor! This is like a scene out of stepford wives. What happened to sitting with ones DH and eating together never mind the lazy ass picking up his own glass? Obviously we all have different types of relationships and what one tolerates others wouldn't. However it looks like you have taken over the mothering role and he acts out like a spoiled teenager. I am sure that's not what you thought your life would be like. You need to draw a line on what you find acceptable and ensure he knows what that is, or you will get slowly more angry and frustrated.

That'll teach him to sit at the table instead of gawping at the TV and not watching his drink! (which he can get himself next time) ;-)

IMO some people (and I have to say it's men more often than not) get angrier the more guilty they feel.

This is such an astute observation. I've had similar today and been beating myself up about it but actually the reason he is giving me such a hard time is because he feels guilty.
And it was only reading your post that made me realise that, so thank you.

Good job you didn’t stand on the glass in bare feet.

He sounds like he’s been an arse tonight

Interesting from Annie and Ferrier. I am always most nervous of people who have already mistreated me - because I know they'll quite likely be angry at what I've "made" them do. First of all all "look what you made me do", is called out on unreasonableness then.. "how dare she make me behave badly towards her, she provoked me into misbehaviour (because she was in the right goddammit) and so now she's made me feel shame on top. It's an outrage. Nobody makes me question my own wonderfulness!"