Why does it take a complete meltdown to be taken seriously?

[Crackthecrocodile]

36 weeks pregnant and I've had a range of health problems throughout my pregnancy. I've just finally finished for maternity leave after a very stressful time trying to juggle work and pregnancy/ health problems/ extra appointments.
I don't receive any help from my family members, they are actually awful when if comes to helping.

Oldest DC has suddenly become very needy, clingy, not sleeping well, constantly needing my attention, I'm completely drained.

DC then arrived home from school with headlice this week and low and behold, we've all caught them. Trying to get everyone cleared before newborn arrives.

We've also had a workman in recently who has made a complete pigs ear of some work which we are now trying to rectify in our own time.

I feel like I'm not coping at all.
Very anxious about the birth which will need to be closely monitored throughout, and I have no idea how I'm going to handle DC and a baby. Exhausted from working and juggling so many appointments which I'm now having even more of, my family keep offering help, but are never available when I actually ask them! And now trying to sort this headlice thing feeling like it's all on my shoulders.

DH is massively stressed at work and is of little emotional support, he's also stressed about the work done by the workman. I feel like everything else is on my shoulders and I'm drowning.

Then the icing on the cake this morning came when I burst into tears and DH told me to try and see the funny side of everything.

I smiled and tried. Until a day with DC1 and the constant clinging and whining and neediness drive me into a rage at DH when he walked in through the door this evening. I know it's not his fault, I know he didn't deserve that after work, but after so many calm "I'm not coping very well" conversations, I just lost it. The likelihood is that he will eventually forgive my rage and listen to how I'm feeling and help with the things I'm not coping with. He doesn't communicate well at all and it feels it often has to come to this before he'll listen. But I hate it having to get this far before he will take my feelings on board. I was shouting and crying and was basically a complete mess.
Why does it always take a meltdown to be listened to?
I wish it didn't.

I have no idea OP, but I often think how wonderful it would be if I could the result without going through the process.

Much sympathy to you, it's soul destroying and happens about twice a year in this house.

Then the icing on the cake this morning came when I burst into tears and DH told me to try and see the funny side of everything

How old are dc? It does seem to br sm overwhelming time however I think this was your DH trying to offer support but not getting it right for you.
It is very difficult to say the right thing when someone is very upset so I don't see it as him bring dismissive.

It is disappointing when you feel family support is not genuinely offered but perhaps your DH got the backlash.

All you can do is try to rest and let the small stuff go.Try to see it as a difficult/hectic time but it will get better.

It takes a meltdown with your DH because he, like all men, was raised to see women as unstable and hysterical and prone to mood swings that he just has to wait through. In a man's mind he is the important person and you are the supporting character, so he gets to be stressed by work for example and check out of the issues at home, but you don't, because your feelings are an inconvenience rather than anything to be taken seriously. The way I put an end to that with my DH was to decide, very seriously, to divorce him. That wasn't until DC2 was 18 months, I was insane from exhaustion and he was still refusing to clean the bathroom. I was ready to go, but he did buck up and now I am an actual Real Person in our relationship. I'm still getting used to it tbh!