Advice pleaseeeee !

[Kayla1992]

Hi thank you for taking the time to read my post.
Right first off I've been with this guy for a few years now, recently bought our first home together (around 4months ago) we spent the majority of last year apart as he was working away to save money for the house. It was a struggle to spend so much time apart but we made it work and everything seemed fine. Towards the end of last year the working away stopped we had enough money to buy the house etc.
But around Christmas time I discovered on his search history on his phone he has been looking at escort websites. I don't know why I even looked on his phone I have never done this before, I just had this overwhelming feeling, I obviously questioned him about this he said it was a stupid mistake, a act of madness, he had browsed the page and shut it off etc. I have him the benefit of the doubt I kind of just thought one mistake he was sorry etc. We had never had any issues like this in the past. So I moved on from this but a few weeks ago I decided just go on his phone again and I found a long list of numbers of escorts in his phone that he had blocked, he's admitted to messaging them and arranging to meet up but swears he has never gone through with anything. He said it mainly happened when he was working away last year but still promises nothing sexual has ever happened with these people. I don't know what to believe.
I am in a massive dilemma, if I leave him it will put us both in a massive financial mess because we havnt had the house long enough to sell it and make a profit etc. If we are very lucky we may just break even with what we owe on the mortgage.
We are both still very young (mid 20s) and everything has just been turned on it's head these past few weeks.
I need some advice from a outsider, helllpppp 😫

Thank you so much for your advice and I am so sorry your in the same situation xx

I hope it all works out ok for you. Good luck. I know it won’t seem like it right now but it is good you found out sooner rather than later xx

It won't feel like it now, but you have been lucky in a way that you are still young and (presumably) have no children with this man.

Mine was seeing another woman; just the one. He lied through his teeth. I read his emails and knew exactly what he'd got up to, but started out just saying that I had spoken to his OW's husband. He acted all angry, saying that her husband must have an "agenda". I'd guessed he must have been lying to me before, but now, knowing everything and watching him lie in front of my eyes, it made me realise exactly what he'd been doing all along.

It does turn your world upside-down, it's like everything you thought you knew about your life and your mate has turned out not to be true. It's as if you're suddenly married to a total stranger.

Mine also refused to cooperate, and got angry when he realised I'd spoken to a lawyer, but that was just at the beginning. In our case we were able to come to a hodge-podged interim agreement, then after about a year I suggested a deal with him (or rather his father) paying me out a certain amount of money for what we'd already paid of the mortgage. At that point he was able to think more clearly and agreed, and got a lawyer to sort it out. Now, after 4 years in the house until our youngest turned 18, I'm moving out and we are on good enough terms that he has been picking up furniture for my new flat. He is now not angry any mre, we can sit and have a coffee. I despise him but keep that to myself!

The truth is that you'll never know for sure what he got up to. And you can never trust them again.

You need to decide what you can live with.