Letting someone “grow” on you

[Aquietplace]

Met a guy for the first time last night through OLD and ended up back at mine for a few drinks. Generally seems like a nice guy, we did kiss/cuddle a bit and he didn’t push for anything more which I suppose I’m not used to! The issue I’m having is (and I know this sounds bloody stupid but bear with me I’m only 23) is that he’s physically not “my type” as shallow as it sounds and I didn’t feel an instant attraction. Obviously he isn’t far off as we wouldn’t have kissed but do people continue meeting someone they’re not 100% on straight away? I was in a 7 yr long term relationship and this is the third guy I’ve met through old, so I'm not that clued up. Thanks for any advice

I’m interested in responses to this as my LTRs have told me I grew on them looks wise! I’m average looking, nothing special and (at my age now) do not get chatted up in bars etc! So OLD is my only option. Had those guys not stuck with it, lol, I wouldn’t have had those relationships. At first it did hurt a little, heck we all want to be seen as beautiful even if we’re not! But it’s nice to think it was clearly my personality that made me more attractive to them. Anyway, I suspect most replies will be that your just 23 and should find someone you are attracted to! Me personally, i’d say if you like his personality give it another couple of dates and then see how you feel.

He may "surprise" with other qualities - that's how you let him grow on you.

So all you need to do is not rush, give him a chance, observe him in various situations, talk to him.

If after a while he doesn't appear to have anything you deem special then move on.

I'd say yes stick it out if everything else is good... it's not looks that keep things going, you fall in love with personality... and when/if you fall in love a smile from that person can make you melt..

Definitely stick with it! I met my dp and after 3 dates I really didn't feel any click or spark and although I found him attractive I needed more than that.

I cancelled our 4th date and then something made me give it another chance. The 4th and 5th date we both relaxed more and the spark grew and suddenly there was chemistry!

The rest is history and 4 years later we have our dd who is 4 months and I couldn't be more in love!! Definitely give it a bit longer!

Have to be honest, I might possibly consider letting someone grow on me now simply because I’m old and the pickings aren’t that plentiful but at 23 there’s no way I’d have done that.
I dated someone last year who didn’t tick my boxes to see if I could do the growing thing- now whenever I recall the time it makes me feel a bit ‘eww’- which is awful because he was a nice guy.
That said I’m shallow as fuck and a divorced single mum of 45 so my advice is probably shit.

If he’s nice and respectful and you have fun and lots to talk about, I think give it time and see how you feel. Attraction, especially the kind that lasts, isn’t primarily physical.

My dh is not at all my ‘type’. He was about as opposite from the kind of guy I was attracted to as possible when we met. He was also nearly 7 years younger! He was 21 and still in uni and I was turning 28. But he is really kind and thoughtful and funny and our personalities are really complimentary and we enjoy a lot of the same things, have similar values, etc. It turns out my ‘type’ tended to be assholes. And it took meeting someone very different to realise that wasn’t my type at all. The attraction and affection grew over a few months from just friends to dating casually to a serious relationship. That was 10 years, now we’re married with two kids and very happy and I couldn’t imagine having ended up with anyone else.

My dp didn't instantly blow me away. However I didn't start dating him until he did. I think people can grow on you but I don't think starting a relationship with someone you're not fussed about hoping that one day they will grow on you is a good idea.

Internet dating is weird because its quite all or nothing. As I'm old I've never really done it much and have always met people through friends where you can let someone grow on you before embarking on anything romantic which seems preferable to dating someone you don't fancy just in case you end up fancying them.

I met my partner online just over a year ago. His messages and general chat were hilarious and we had such a spark. His photos were amazing too. When we met I wasn’t instantly attracted to him, he was still gorgeous but few things I hadn’t expected.
However we had amazing chemistry and his character and personality made me want to see him again and again. He’s a beautiful boy but it just took me a little while to connect with the “change” from my usual type.
Absolutely love him to bits, we have a fantastic relationship, I fancy him, we laugh a lot and we’re expecting a baby later in the summer.
If there is chemistry (not just physical), a real spark then it’s worth another date at least!
If there isn’t ‘something’ about him which makes you feel a bit giddy then perhaps best to let him find someone else and you can focus on having fun and different dates

I'm trying this now but it's just not working.
On paper he's perfect.
But he is not growing on me at all.

And please do not take 1st dates back to your house.
You've no idea what he's really like.
Look after yourself and your safety.

I'd keep going for a while and see.

I met my dh through old. The first time we met he was in his work stuff - he's a builder. He was absolutely filthy, scruffy, and I thought 'Omg who have I spent the last 2 weeks talking too?'

Still went on a date with him and obviously he was clean and scrubbed up better but I still wasn't 100%. But he was lovely. Like you, we kissed and cuddled....but I left feeling unsure.

3rd date - don't know what happened but I literally fancied the pants off him. And I still do. I looked at him in a totally different way. Been together ever since. Now I fancy him even when he's a scruffy mess which he is most days.

I still can't put my finger on what changed my feelings. But something did so it can happen. Good luck whatever you do :-)

Nope I need that spark and instant chemistry,