Do you ever really get over someone?

[WyclefJohn]

I recently heard some bad news about an ex of mine (she had married a criminal who has been convicted of a big crime) who had meant a lot to me. I hadn't thought about her a lot in the mean time (full disclosure I'm a man), and it has led to me spending some time thinking about her a lot recently in the past week or so.

It got me thinking whether, if you truly have deep feelings for someone, whether, if prompted, you ever really get over them. You might think about them less, but even after a number of years, those feelings can still surface if stirred. I'm kicking myself a bit for thinking about this ex, as it sounds silly to be thinking about an ex from a good few years back. Had I truly gotten over them, I would have just shrugged my shoulders.

I have exes (or people I dated) where the feelings weren't that strong, and so maybe, there was no real need to get over them, but in this case, with this ex, the feelings were intense (on my side rather than hers). I just find it a bit shocking.

Did she end it or did you? If it was her, maybe that's why you feel this way? Sounds like you always had stronger feelings, so you were always going to be the one more hurt by the relationship ending, and the one who would care more I guess.

I think if you've cared for someone and you are a nice person, hearing they are having a bad time will hit you.
I think it's probably just human nature.
She was someone you loved and I don't you ever get totally over that.

It depends what you mean by "get over". If you're still "carrying a torch" and would reconnect if you could, then I guess you're not over someone. But being interested in them or sad if they died or something, I wouldn't class as "not being over" them. Depends how you've moved on with your life. I'm very much over various people, but still give a damn if something bad happens. It's kinda monstrous not to, isn't it? (assuming the exes were normal people).

There's just no getting over some people

I think I don't really get over people.

But I do want subsequent people every bit as much, and I'd never cheat, including with an ex or a one-who-got-away, so I don't worry about it too much. If I don't like the new person as much as I've liked anyone, then I don't get involved or I keep it casual.

If your feelings for your past love are stronger than you've had for anyone since, or you've settled for someone in the meantime, always hoping a bit that the person from your past will come back and you can get [back] together, then that's more of a problem.

So I also don't see an issue with someone not getting over someone and then never having another relationship because of those feelings, if that's what's right for them.

I know it's not ideal, if there's a chance they could be happy if they moved on. But at least they're not messing anyone around.

What hellsbells said. Sorry to hear about your friend

You never get over it, but you get used to it.

I think you get over it, yes. It takes time and the amount of time varies from person to person but everyone reaches a stage where that person is no longer important. Maybe that’s just me and I’m cold hearted but after a certain amount of time I just don’t care anymore. There’s no one from the past I yearn for or would ever want to go back to.

I've been having some similar thoughts and can't quite articulate feelings I have for someone. I tested and picked another random ex - knew immediately nothing there. The other one - can't say that . I'm reigned to never getting this guy out of my head but I really need too .

Wise words category12 and WesternMeadowhawk.