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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner won’t stop drinking

17 replies

Ntsh · 19/04/2018 21:00

Anyone else get pissed off with their partners drinking? I know I can’t expect him to give up completely, but I feel like I’ve made a massive sacrifice for him and he just seems so selfish. Please tell me I’m not alone?😢

OP posts:
tenbob · 19/04/2018 21:01

Are you pregnant?
What is the big sacrifice you've made?

Original poster
Ntsh · 19/04/2018 21:06

Yeah 5 months...and exhausted working full time. Would be nice to have a bit of support from him instead of him staggering around with beer breath. He wanted this so badly too. Am I being a dick?

OP posts:
youaremyrain · 19/04/2018 21:08

Was he drinking a lot prior to your pregnancy?

Bananalanacake · 19/04/2018 21:10

Does his drinking or hangovers affect his job. Are you worried he might be sacked and not able to support his family.

Original poster
Ntsh · 19/04/2018 21:10

We were drinking together 3-4 evenings a week. He promised he'd ease up if we were expecting. I already have an older child. He was desperate to be a parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ntsh · 19/04/2018 21:11

He doesn't get hangovers.

OP posts:
RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/04/2018 21:14

How much does he drink?

Original poster
Ntsh · 19/04/2018 21:15

Enough to be slurry and not remember anything we've talked about the next day.

OP posts:
privateporcupine · 19/04/2018 21:16

What does he say when you speak to him about this? How long have you been together?

Original poster
Ntsh · 19/04/2018 21:20

We've been together 9 years. When I bring it up he doesn't see that there's a problem and gets proper sulky and defensive. He never apologises because he is thinks it's me in the wrong.

OP posts:
youaremyrain · 19/04/2018 21:29

Sounds like my ex husband. He's my ex because it was very lonely for me being married to a drinker, he was very selfish and self centred, very immature

PrizeOik · 19/04/2018 21:34

You made a huge mistake getting pregnant. Sorry.

He isn't going to change. You can get angry about that, or simply accept it, accept you made a mistake, and start building a life that will be stable and secure for the innocent children involved in this situation. It's likely that stability will mean getting rid of the alcoholic.

Original poster
Ntsh · 19/04/2018 21:35

That sucks...I'm sorry. I feel in a very similar situation. It is really lonely.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 19/04/2018 21:38

People don’t magically change when someone gets pregnant. If he doesn’t see the problem, there’s not much you can do until he does.

You need to think about where your red lines are.

junebirthdaygirl · 19/04/2018 21:48

He is an alcoholic. Its more can't stop drinking rather than won't. He will have to live his life without being present in this childs life if he doesn't join AA or go to counsellor. Tell him that and mean it. I presume he is not your other dcs father so its not fair that he has to live with a drunk. Don't be in denial for your own sake. Its shape up or ship out time before your precious baby arrives. Thats not easy but it may be easier than constant stress and frustration.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/04/2018 22:00

Living with a sulky alcoholic is shit, one day you will have had enough. Do you know what you'll do then? What's your housing situation?

GothMummy · 20/04/2018 00:13

Yes its very lonely. And they say they will stop drinking yet they lie. Its taken me 12 years to realise this.

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