Boyfriends issues

[Noodlee]

My boyfriend has issues with things and I don't know what it is whether is it jealousy or insecurity but I defiantly feel it's a bit of both.

So he and I have been together 2 years. About a year and a half ago my sister went and bought me some underwear when she was shopping with her boyfriend to cheer me up as I was down about something. When they came home and showed it to me my sister's boyfriend said "I would ask to see it on but that would be a bit weird." He said he didn't mean anything by it, end of. (We all live together btw)

My boyfriend was mad at this and gets funny about things between me and him now. Some examples are:

1. my sister's boyfriend got some new aftershave and put some on then said what do you think smell it (sounds weirder when I type it) so I leaned it and smelt it. My boyfriend was there and got annoyed at that.

2. When it was snowing i grabbed the first jacket i could find which was my sisters boyfriends and my boyfriend got annoyed and said I should have worn his.

3. My sister, her boyfriend and I lived together first and we had this funny vine we would always quote. Then it was just my sister's partner and I quoting him and he got annoyed because we had a thing.

It's driving me mad! I feel like I have to tip how around my partner and walk on eggshells. Like before I do anything or agree to anything I always think what will he do? Will he get pissed off? I'm just so fed up! I love him but this can't go on!

He is the same with our daughter (6 months). He is so protective, we have to do everything first with her before anyone else can. Like if I was to go somewhere with my family and my daughter and he wasn't there and it was the first time going to the place e.g like a zoo or something he would get annoyed that I've done it without him. I just can't stand it!! But I love him but I don't know what to do. He also gets so defensive and won't drop a point if he thinks he is right until the other person gives up.

I'm so lost! Other than that he is a great partner and dad. Opinions?

You need to find a home of your own.
This situation is making your partner very uncomfortable. He feels insecure and wants to be a family unit with you and your daughter, you are cutting him out of important times in your childs life.
You need to be more thoughtful.

But I literally feel like I can't do anything. Like my sister has gotten over what her boyfriend said and so have I so why can't he?? Like what he has gotten annoyed over are so small but caused massive arguments! Because I smell his aftershave or wear his jacket as it's the first one I could find and was in a rush what...I want to cheat? I magically have feelings? I can't understand it!! I don't even like the guy, he is so horrible to my sister and nephew!

Also to add that him and my sister can be super close and but I trust him and know that they are literally like brother and sister

I am sure you have posted before on a similar topic.
You are not going to have a proper relationship until you grow up and you and your partner find your own home

Find your own home, your partner is obviously struggling with the situation. Sounds like everyone needs to grow up a bit.

You are obviously close to your sister and her partner. I know everyone is saying move out but I assume that's not an option otherwise you would have done it. I think some of the things said and done could be seen as overly familiar. Can you not tone it down a bit? Be a bit more thoughtful? Do the 'men' get on with each other? If not, could you devise some ways of them doing stuff together so they bond a bit more? This might help as he'll think of him as a 'mate' and 'mates' don't cheat generally.

He sounds suffocating to be honest! How old are you all?

Like my sister has gotten over what her boyfriend said and so have I so why can't he?? So your sister was upset about it too? Maybe your bf is not overreacting and your sisters bf is purposely trying to annoy him. If you love him and he's a good dad, partner, I agree with pp and get your own place together.

He sounds as if he is over-reacting big time. He has to do everything first with her?
Control issues.

You should never have to feel like you are walking on eggshells.
That's a sign of a controlling abusive person.
He sounds overly jealous of very trivial things.
I wouldn't like it either.
Can you tell him what you've told us?
This won't get any better over time.
Only worse.
You will find yourself changing how you would react and changing your behaviour.
No-one should make you do that!

If my dh had taken our dd to the zoo for the first time without me, I’d be pretty pissed too. Thinking how I’d feel if he’d done things without me helped me to be more careful about his feelings.