Repairing relationship with DSD

[CurlyRover]

DP and I have been together almost 3 years, living together for 2 and a half years (yeah I know, we moved way too fast). We've known each other 5 years and i first met DSD when she was 2 when DPand I were just friends.

We've been arguing a fair amount lately and on several occasions 6 year old DSD has witnessed it which I feel has inevitably affected my relationship with her.

I don't know how to repair the relationship. I feel no matter what I do it doesn't make a difference. She's never been a particularly vocal or cuddly child which i feel bothers me a lot. I was in a relationship with someone a while back who had a DS. His DS was chatty, cuddly, said love you a lot and always wanted a kiss at bedtime or before going anywhere.

I know everyone is different but I feel I'm really struggling to bond with her and find it hard not to compare her. Even more so after the arguments.

We recently had her for a week. I tried my absolute best during that week. I suggested fun things to do together, spent time with her etc but then when she was leaving she wouldn't even say bye.

What do I do? How do I repair form a good relationship with her?

Sounds like you are trying, just keep being you and stay consistent. That's all you can do.

I've got dsd's and found that they varied in their feelings towards me but I've stayed the same and then we all know where we are.

It's really hard though and not always that rewarding.

You need to stop the arguments in front of her. Both of you, not just you. It’s really not fair to do that to a child, no matter what is going on between you and her dad.

I’m not being smug, it’s a rule DP and I have in our house too. Never in front of the kids, and never with raised voices they could hear.

I’d take her lead, maybe to her bonding doesn’t mean cuddles or affection? Would she be up for days out, or an activity you can do together in the house? Crafts or baking or something like that.

Mostly I’d suggest lowering your expectations of what a bond is and just let it happen.

I went batshit when I found out XH and his now wife were having blowout fights in front of DS1. It was having a massive impact on him emotionally, and I was pissed off they couldn’t put their own shit to one side for the small amount of time they had him.

And what about your relationship with your DP? You say you’ve been arguing a fair amount recently. Are these issues resolved? I only ask because maybe it’s best she doesn’t get too attached, like your last partners child, if you’re not sure how the land lies.

Thanks Lived. How old are your DSD's?

I know KT we have stopped arguing in front of her. We do things in the house, mostly playing board games or card games. I'm not very good at the creative type things such as Lego or crafts but the baking is a really good idea. How do I just lower my expectations? You make it sound so simple!

private we're working on it and things are looking a lot better between us. But part of that means trying with his DD as well.

Maybe she’s feeling uncomfortable due to the aruging. I would say take a step back and allow her dad to take the lead and do someone one to one and reassure her. It must be extremely confusing for her.

Do you mean her dad do one to one or me? @Dancingmonkey87 Her Dad does do a lot of one to one with her currently.