How do you even begin to unpick how life went so wrong?

[Prusik]

Second baby has killed my marriage. My DH has turned selfish and angry. I'm angry and resentful. Neither of us get any time to ourselves - either separately or apart. I don't have it in me to dedicate enough to my boys. Ds1 is having a few minor health and development issues. Ds2 is just hard hard work - won't be put down, ever. I'm tired, lost, resentful and confused. DH even complains if I ask him to get up at 6.30 so I can have half an hour to get showered and ready for the day. On the other hand, he's shattered because he's busy making the house safe for the boys and does cook dinner most days.

How do we find what we had? I just think if we can find that connection again then we can go a long way towards fixing things.

And my boys? I don't even begin to know how to stop failing them. I just don't want to do any of this any more.

Ps - I know this isn't pnd

@Namechanger1404 a year and ten days between the boys It was have been a bigger gap but ds2 was three weeks early.

You guys are right. I need to try to be more gentle. It's just so bloody hard to be gentle when I'm on the treadmill and he gets a break.

I'll see about getting someone in to spend time with the toddler. I know just the person

This may seem unhelpful, but I think you need to change to an evening shower. It’s the only way I could cope with toddler and twin babies. Once they’re up that’s it - there is no time for me or DP. We just do survival mode all day until they sleep. All housework is put off until they sleep. We do one hour housework together in the evening then an hour of tv then bed.

You need to sit down with your DP, apologise, state your needs and, without blame, try work on a schedule that suits you both. It will change soon because your 3 month old will change so fast. Most importantly make a truce that until youngest is 2 years old it’s going to be hard work, and the slate gets wiped clean when they’re two. Agree to try to be kind but sleep deprivation is the absolute worst and you will be grumpy so all will be forgiven.

It’s very hard right now. It doesn’t mean your relationship is irreparable.

Therein lies the issue. DH likes to crash out as soon as toddler sleeps (although will cook dinner). Housework doesn't really get done as baby still cat naps on me. My minimum each day is tidy after me and boys, one load of laundry and dishwasher/wipe kitchen. Sometimes I cook dinner during the day to reheat. Just to achieve that I have to be on the go all day.

I hate having evening showers but you're right, I might have to. I was just hoping to have half an hour to myself in the mornings.

DS1 will be 21 months and ds2 will be 9 months when dh goes to uni and I start work in the evenings again so we don't have long to fix things, DH will be doing two whole weekends plus a minimum of one evening at uni, plus personal study. And he works every third saturday. I'll try to be nicer and I really hope we can fix things quickly because things will only get harder

Why can't you take the baby to a bathroom for your shower? I put mine in his chair and just got on with it..Now that he is a toddler I still sometimes have to take him to a bathroom in the mornings if DH has to leave before me..Admittedly I only have one DC

Baby is fine. Bathroom is unsafe for toddler. Hence the refurb. Broken tiles have now been replaced but we have a way to go yet. It makes things rather awkward. Once that's done we'll make the bedroom safe. I kind of just wanted half an hour to myself rather than DH just getting up fifteen minutes before he has to leave, if I'm honest. But maybe I'm being unreasonable. I'm not sure, baby was up every two hours last night so I'm kinda tired