Is he married?

[Marquis]

I need some insight regarding a man I recently met on OLD. We have not met in RL yet, however, we have chatted and spoke on the phone several times. (the longest I have ever chatted before meeting someone). He asked to meet for lunch/dinner last weekend, but it was short notice. We have arranged to meet next week when he is in town.

He told me that he was separated, I am beginning to have doubts as he has completely ghosted me from Monday, no contact, no emails. My take is that he is married.

From the little he has told me about his career, children - the age on the profile does not add up.

Why do men lie that they are single/separated when they are in fact married? Personally, I would not like to date a married man. I have in the past dated people who turned out to be married, this information was not revealed at initial meetings or even second or third dates.

Red flag?

If you have a red flag before you meet chances are something is up. Leave now before meeting

I have in the past dated people who turned out to be married, this information was not revealed at initial meetings

PEOPLE? How often has this happened to you then? And now it looks like you may have found another. That seems a bit odd.

@Shatners, the last person I dated was in August 2017 - we met and a few times and realised that something was not right. I asked if he was still married as he had told me that he was divorced.

I received an email from his partner, telling me that they had two children together. She had discovered my email to him stating that I would not have a relationship if he was married or attached.

My intuition was right, he had been with his partner for more than fifteen years. They were very much as an item and not divorced as he had told me.

@Chocolate, I am not going to meet with him or even engage in any dialogue.

So not people, just one person.

Sorry, but by saying people it suggested this has happened to you several times, which might have suggested your "radar" wasn't very good or you were giving out the wrong signals, not asking the right questions, overlooking the obvious etc

Unfortunately my sister met someone like this. The dickhead knew she wanted to settle down and strung her along for two years. Red flag. Run.

I'd hardly say the fault is the OP's, she was on an online dating site for single people, it's well within her rights to assume that people on such sites are single! There shouldn't be a need for signals and questions

Is it all the same site though? Might be worth trying another site or maybe trying different ways of meeting someone.

Op he may well be married, but I wouldn't say not contacting you from Monday until today ghosting. You have never met, he might have a busy life, you arranged to meet when he is next in town. Its three days. I go ages without speaking to some of my best friends. He doesn't not owe you anything and maybe he is just busy.

That said if you have other doubts that he maybe married, stay well clear.

OLD seems to stir up so much anxiety in women when they first start chatting to someone like it is a rush and you must communicate daily, otherwise people feel clearly he isn't interested. Presumably your world still turned when he wasn't in it? I would forget about him, if he contacts you in the future see how you feel, if he has indeed "ghosted you" or in other words, lost interest, then it would have never worked and move on.

There was an article on You and Yours earlier this week and it seems this is incredibly common, which seems so depressing.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind advice and suggestions. It may well be a very simple explanation why he has not contacted me for lack of communication. I may be totally wrong, but is it too difficult to tell the other person the truth?

To be honest, he was keener on the ideas than myself - we chatted/spoke too much that I started having some connections with him. I believe that he needed some "ego" boost and then decided he did not want to go ahead with it.

@Pudding, you are right, he does not owe me anything, however, if he had changed his mind, he should at least have the decency to tell me. It's the over texting/calling and then - silence.

He might be saying the same thing about me as well. I have not contacted him since my last text on Monday afternoon. OLD is definitely too easy to chat, meet multiple people and then decide to cut off all contacts without warning or explanation.

We all have the rights to change our mind!

Personally, I would not like to date a married man

Sorry Marquis, but this part of your OP..... you are not alone on this one...... . Bet are on that he is though.

I would cut contact with him. You already know he isn't what he says he is.

Just the fact that his pp and facts don't add up. Walk away.

I'm a little confused.

He hasn't contacted you since Monday, which means he's ghosting you / married and lying about it. But you haven't contacted him since Monday either.

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't - but I'm not sure I get the reasoning.

@Failing, he was on the train and told me that he would be in touch as he had no wifi.

People are not always busy, it's about priorities. I do believe that he is married, he was in town to see family, went back on Monday and maybe thought, damn, I am a married man and decided to cut all contact with me.

I am sure that he will contact me again when he is in town and lonely and want to chat to boost his ego. OLD is like a candy store - so many to choose from, one cannot decide which one to choose. Hence, people are on multiple sites.

If I have a feeling that he may be married, then the best thing to do is not to contact him. Sometimes, couples have issues in their relationship and it's best to take it that he is not ready.

Update

I thought I would give a little update as some of you had taken time to give me valuable advice, comments and suggestions.

I sent him a little text about touching base and I hope that he has a good weekend and also asked if the meeting sometimes next week was still on.

He apologised for not been in contact as he is focusing on his family and mother who is ill and that he wanted to put himself at the back burner for a while as he does not have the time to meet in the near future.

I texted back to say that it was fine and offered to delete the number and also wished his mother gets better soon. He sent back saying there was no need to delete his number at the moment as things might change soon etc.

Not to drip feed, just as we were concluding the conversation, he sent another text telling me how his female friend had met some crazy man on the internet and had to involve the police because he was a stalker. I texted back that he should not worry about me. At this point, he continued to text about this female friend how she helped him leave his partner, encouraged him to meet other people and when he told her that he had signed up on OLD, she nearly fell off her chair.
I pointed out that it was wrong for him to leave his partner on the advice of another woman and couldn't help slipping that fact that he has ghosted me, then stopped responding to his texts.

He sent ten long texts - some telling me, "stop now please, that's enough". He accused me of making, "veiled threats" and the normal BS, this is not about you, it's about me malarkey. I did not make any threats, all I said that he had every rights to change his mind and ghosting is wrong.