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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

A friend had an affair with a married man and is now pregnant

4 replies

Newbieuser1880 · 18/04/2018 22:07

I could of predicted this. Yes she’s stupid but she fell for him over broken promises of leaving his wife. They had sex and shes now pregnant. He is saying she needs to abort as now he won’t leave his wife as they have a small child and it will ruin his life. She’s so torn as doesn’t want to bring a child into this in this way but it’s such a big decision.

Are there any associations or groups she can discuss this with. I’m not sure how to advise her plus she could do with talking to someone impartial.

OP posts:

Josuk · 18/04/2018 22:16

OP - just be for her as a friend. It’s not different from her falling pregnant while not in a stable relationship.

It’s her choice what to do, really. Not the man’s.
Her age, financial situation, life plans and all that is something she needs to consider.
The man would have to pay child if she chooses to keep the baby. The fact that his life will change - frankly is his own problem. Sex can lead to babies. It’s not a new news.

I am not sure what she expects of impartial strangers. It’s a decision that only she can make.

category12 · 18/04/2018 22:31

She can talk to her GP or Marie Stopes about her options.

SandyY2K · 18/04/2018 22:31

Based on the fact he's not leaving his wife, does she want to go ahead with the pregnancy?

Is she prepared to be a single parent?

Is she prepared to potentially have her child go for visitation to him and his wife in the future?

Having a child with a married man can be complex. The child will be 100% loved by your friend...but the betrayed wife will be the step mother. I wouldn't want to hand my child over to him.and his wife for visitation ...the child is innocent...but it won't stop the BW hating him/her.

It's your friends choice, but I couldn't bring a child into the world this way. All the above are assuming he actually tells his wife and the baby isn't treated as a dirty little secret.

wtftodo · 18/04/2018 22:38

...the betrayed wife doesn’t always hate the child, there are families including my own where everyone is able to put the welfare of the child first and make peace with the situation

Having said that OP, I also know several cases where the child is either paid for but no other interest shown by the father, or is allowed sparse contact with the father but not half siblings etc.

The only consideration for your friend really is, does she want a baby, irrespective of his support or interest? Or is her desire for a baby contingent on certain factors?

Keep listening to her x

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