Do I or can I leave him?

[Zomam]

Not posted on here in months due to life getting in the way, but hoping I might find some help on here.

I think it’s time I left my partner. Thought it for a while and just the thought terrified me into staying quiet. The thought no longer terrifies me.

Told him how I feel tonight. I strongly believe based on what he said that he might seriously harm himself or end his life if I do. We have a young girl together, he said if we’re apart and not living together that I would be taking her away from him and taking all her lovely first milestones away from him. Made it very clear that my intention is the complete opposite of this, and if this was the case it would be through his own choice of not seeing her.

I’m at a complete loss on what to do. He’s calling me selfish, which yes I am being, but I personally feel it’s about time I was selfish and put myself and our girl first.

There’s quite a big back story to how turbulent our relationship has been, far too much to even begin writing. We’ve never told anyone about our problems - because we know for a fact if we did everyone would be telling us we should not be together.

If anyone has any kind words or any advice it would be much appreciated.

Get in touch with your local women's aid helpline and domestic abuse helplines. They will be able to talk and possible meet you and really give you support. Even if you don't need help with housing or finances, they can still give you emotional support and as you can tell them what he's said about killing himself, they will let you know that if he does hurt himself it is n no ways your fault. If you have any other fears they can help you with legalities in there regard. And things that can be put in place to protect all members involved.

Hi Zoman yes contact women's aid for advice and support. It maybe good to start telling friends and family.
Mine used to threaten to kill himself - he didn't when I left him but it took me a long time until I didn't feel responsible for him. ( I'd had family members commit suicide and this made it much harder)
Be careful around him. Has he ever hit you? Does he use drugs? Does he have a mental health diagnosis? These things increase the risk of assault.
How is he with your daughter.
Seek support and let others know. Even your GP.

He's bullying you into staying with him.

Contact Women's Aid, and see if you can get counselling to help you through this.

If he ever threatens to harm himself call his bluff: dial 999 and let them deal with it.

Ahhh the suicide threats if you leave. You do know that's just so you don't leave and is massively emotionally abusive? Rarely do they mean it. Some do and some even carry it out as part of their control campaign but it's rare. Tell him his mental health isn't your responsibility and he should speak to a GP. Stick to your guns OP, you've seen the light and you're almost there.

Well done on your decision. As said above, do not fall for this emotional blackmail. Tell him if he seriously threatens suicide you will call police and report concern for his welfare. What happens to him after that is up to him.

Get your DD out of this toxic atmosphere as soon as poss. As you've said, you are not going to block access. Do not let yourself be controlled by him any more. Enjoy your freedom.

Bullshit, he won't take his life, esp if he loves his daughter as he says; it's just a ploy to make you stay with him, very manipulative and nasty tbh.

Your relationship sounds awful, and I'd not want to raise a child in that toxicity so it's actually him that is selfish, you are thinking what is best for you and your child, carry on and get leaving him, why are you listening to his crap anyway, you dont need his permission to call time on a crap relationship, child or no child.