Please help

[Gladysmum]

I’ve been a lurker on here for so long. I need some support please. I ended my marriage yesterday morning, it’s been coming for (me) a long time - and I feel scared and anxious to hell. Is this normal? The back story is, my STBXH is arrogant (his time is much more important); he is unable to do ANYTHING without me reminding him, carrying him, supporting him, and unable to think for himself - it literally is like having another child. I’ve become so drained to the point that I am struggling to think (and that isn’t me, I’m usually really good at retaining information) - this weekend everything just came to a head and I knew I could not continue anymore. I’ve already spoken to a solicitor to get the divorce process going - I don’t have any friends who have been through a divorce - so I wondered if you ladies would talk to be about what to expect in terms of my emotions, and when did you start to feel like you were coming out the other side? Thank you.

Sorry OP.

You are clearly at the end of your tether and the stress of your situation palpable.

You probably need some space, but the fear and anxiety such a life change brings is huge. But I can promise you, it doesn’t always feel this bad.

I was cheated on which forced my hand, but I’m sure someone with sound advice from a similar decision will be along to share some sound advice.

Thanks so much for your response.

I am very much so (and again that’s not me, I don’t get stressed, I am very able and have a positive attitude). It’s so alien to me.

I'm a little further along, not much, and it truly is a rollercoaster of emotions. I read that beforehand but really didn't know how it would be. Taking one day at a time, one hour if necessary, has been good advice. And be kind to yourself.

Can't say anything about coming out the other side yet !

Good luck

Thank you too!

I’m feeling OK this minute, then the next I can be sobbing!

Good luck to you.

It's a massive thing though. My mum divorced my cheating father when I was one. Later she remarried and my step father was horrible, mentally, shouted lots, sometimes violent. She never dared to divorce hi after the grief of the first divorce. Preferring to be unhappy to keep a stable home.
Trouble was, the older I got, the re messed up I was. My brother also, who was my step fathers and mum's son.
You will be saving your kids from the crap I've gone through. Hold onto that in your bleakest times.

She didn't realise he was nasty verbally to me and would smack me even when I was 17 ( hard)

Think ahead to six months down the line... you'll be over so much pain and sadness and hurt.
I am in a similar place to you. I'm coping my thinking of a brighter independent life one day. Have you got support around you?

Ladies thank you so much for sharing - it’s really helping. I’m sorry you had such a shit time Johnny