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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling insecure

6 replies

Mummyxxx2 · 17/04/2018 17:47

I've had two kids the youngest 7 months ago and I hate the way I look. I struggle to believe my partner when he tells me I look good because he does things that make me think otherwise. I have a childhood friend who is 'adult worker' I recently decided to meet up with her and told my partner of her chosen career. I caught him looking at some highly inappropriate pictures of said friend and had a mini melt down over it crying all day. Since then I can't help but feeling rubbish about the way I look and now everytime my partner comments on a way a woman looks or I see him looking at a woman I feel worse (which I know is stupid). Please can someone tell me how to feel better about myself.

OP posts:
sheddooropen · 19/04/2018 15:58

Have you tried talking to your partner about this? You can talk all you want to other people and ask for advice the best thing to do is explain this to him. I'd be really annoyed in your situation so you are right to be annoyed

mogratpineapple · 19/04/2018 19:14

If he's an ogler - that is rude and disrespectful regardless of whether you feel insecure. He shouldn't be looking at pics of your friend either because that is creepy. Tell him how you feel and take it from there xxx

cforte0 · 19/04/2018 20:24

The first step is dealing with the fact that you "hate the way" you look, that's the real issue here. Find a way to accept your own self, intrapersonally, then the interpersonal issues will be a lot easier to manage. If you can't accept yourself, then if you're in a position to do so, change yourself in a way that you can accept yourself.

Gemini69 · 19/04/2018 21:23

what a Prick.... you'll not find any comfort of self esteem with this man...

Love who you are.. not what he makes you think you are lady Flowers

Josuk · 19/04/2018 21:49

OP - we have all been there. I remember hating to buy clothes a few sizes up from my pre-baby size and it felt it’s now going to be like that forever.
At 7 months it felt like that. And I didn’t like how I looked.
It’s totally normal.

But it doesn’t have to be your new ‘normal’. Just give it time.
And once the baby is little bigger - you can start working on getting yourself into shape you are happier with.

As to looking at other women - he should do it more discretely, but it’s what we all do. Attractive people pass us by on a street and we look. And often don’t even realise.
Men do it. So do women.

And abir your adult worker friend. It is also curiosity. If a friend (male or female ) told me they are school friends with an adult worker - I’d check them out too. Curiousity.

I hope you feel better soon.
Having babies is hard work. Takes a lot out of us.

Thinkingofausername1 · 21/04/2018 13:35

Your not alone op. I always feel insecure around my dhs colleagues. I saw a couple in town the other day wearing skirts, right below their bottoms. They were so 'perfect' and looked intelligent as well as perfect. What was even more embarrassing is they caught me giving them evils. lol
I quickly walked on Blush

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