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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband want us to go out with his female co-worker.

25 replies

AyaC · 17/04/2018 13:56

I am working from home and we are new to the area. There is noone to help with our 16month old one so we don't go out at all.
My husband works full time and there is a new girl in the office, younger than us. They have to communicate at work but no need to keep close working relatiinship. We are around 30s and she is maybe in early 20s. My husband went shopping the other day and bump into her in the store. They changed numbers and he asked her if is ok to go out with us sometimes. When he came home he got msg from her. Something saying Me and my boyfriend go out every weekend so just let me know when you want to come with us.
After that he is talkig about her every day. Not like a big talk but something like. Emma ( not real name) said she went to job interview to xxx company and I told her Ive been there too.
I feel a bit insecure. Maybe because I am staying at home, not communicating. I know is just because is female and I had an ex that was cheatig on me. Don't want to be the bad, jelous wife but have some gut feeling...
What do you guys think?

OP posts:

OhWhatAWonderfulDay · 17/04/2018 13:57

That is fecking weird, I'd be having none of it!

yetmorecrap · 17/04/2018 13:59

Mentionitis is never good

HollowTalk · 17/04/2018 14:00

Just say, "Don't be an idiot, Husband - she and her boyfriend are in their early twenties, for god's sake - they want to go out with friends their own age, not us."

lackingimagination · 17/04/2018 14:09

DP and I regularly socialise with people 15 years younger than us and 30 years older than us, some of our closest friends are in a different generation to us - age means nothing, it's about having things in common and enjoying each other's company.

Sounds to me like your DH is making an effort and trying to make friends. Maybe he's just excited about the potential of new friends? You've been included in plans from day 1, she even propositioned a meet up as a couples scenario. What on earth do you have to be jealous about right now?

Do you actually want to make friends?

RatRolyPoly · 17/04/2018 14:11

I'm reading it like lacking. I'd sign up to sitters and hit the tiles with them both!

Adora10 · 17/04/2018 14:12

I don't think it's weird and I'd doubt he'd be so obvious if he was chasing, her you said yourself OP you don't know anyone, it sounds likeyour OH is trying to integrate more socially, nothing wrong with that!

PS: I have friends younger and older than myself, it means nothing.

adaline · 17/04/2018 14:16

What's the problem? I have plenty of male colleagues I socialise with outside of work - isn't that fairly normal?

She has a boyfriend and all her suggestions have been for couples meet-ups. Sounds like your husband has found someone he gets along with and thinks it would be fun for you all to hang out together one weekend.

KittTheCar · 17/04/2018 14:17

I think it's nice, that they are happy to include you in going out, given that you are new to area.

I've got younger friends as well and at work everyone just mixes in surely.

She's invited you both out with her and her fella so doesn't sound like anything iffy at all - I'd go

adaline · 17/04/2018 14:17

And I don't think a 15 year age gap is a big deal at work - I'm in my twenties and one of my closest friends at work is 67!

HonkyWonkWoman · 17/04/2018 14:18

I was the early twenties couple, years ago.

Became friends with a neighbour and started going out with them as couples.
Never thought about the age difference at that point, she was gorgeous by the way. I eventually found out she was 12 years older than me.
We became best friends for the next 30 years, until she died last year.
I wouldn't have missed her friendship for anything and could have, if I'd thought about age.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 17/04/2018 14:19

I also don’t see a problem. You’ve been invited and included from the start and she mentioned her boyfriend.
Get a sitter and have a night out! Sounds a great way to make friends.

TroubledLichen · 17/04/2018 14:22

I’m with lacking, go get a babysitter and have fun. She has a boyfriend and hasn’t suggested anything that isn’t a double-date.

Also I’ve been the younger co-worker and have suggested meet-ups with colleagues along with our significant others. I was just trying to make new friends and definitely did not have designs on the men!

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 17/04/2018 14:29

I don't think this is remotely weird? Sounds like fun.

Lookatmenow · 17/04/2018 16:19

I take it like he's giving you the info on her so you will already know something "of" her when/if you go out together.

You will be able to say "of DH mentioned your looking at another job blah blah blah"

Just because you have a baby, dowsn't mean to say you can't enjoy yourselves with no baby young people

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 17/04/2018 16:22

Socialising with work colleagues is not weird! Honestly, some people want to live like hermits. Enjoy life a little.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 17/04/2018 16:26

I don't see anything weird about it. This is how you'll get to meet people.

KirstenRaymonde · 17/04/2018 16:26

I think it’s great he’s making an effort for you both to make friends in a new area, I don’t think there’s anything to read into this. Effort has to go into building relationships. Are you usually suspicious of your DHs behaviour or is this the first thing to trigger it?

Fairylea · 17/04/2018 16:28

I think he fancies her a bit, I wouldn’t be too happy. Maybe from her point of view she just wants to be mates especially as she tries to include you too but if he’s talking about her a lot and messaging her I would not be happy at all. Sorry but that’s just me. Dh and I don’t have close friends of the opposite sex.

halfwitpicker · 17/04/2018 16:29

Same old story.

They are NEVER friends with the old guy form Accounting.

Let me guess, they have the same taste in music?

It's like a blardy script.

halfwitpicker · 17/04/2018 16:29

from Accounting.

Shoxfordian · 17/04/2018 17:33

Why not go for a drink with them? She might be nice and you could make a friend

PabloMicasso · 17/04/2018 17:37

She sounds nice and like she’s reaching out (in a non creepy way) Don’t let your insecurity isolate you.

I’m on my 30s and I’ve always been impressed with how nice/sorted/ fun/ and principled a lot of these “gorgeous teenagers and 20 somethings” often are when working with them?

I’d happily socialise “up” in terms of age (so not excluding old Moira from accounting) but younger people tend to want to go out more!

Original poster

AyaC · 17/04/2018 19:38

Thank you everyone! Each and every comment was really helpful.
He is not the cheating type of guy. Has some female friends he know before we met and I know he can see a girl/woman as just a friend.
I have full access on his phone and there is nothing there that I don't know about. Did check just in case.
Today he didn't talk about her, just other co workers and what is happening at work. Apperantly there is a drama going on.
Thank you all again. I think I am a bit sensitve because of isolation all day long. Some days he only communication I have is gugu gaga with my toddler and some emails

OP posts:

KittTheCar · 17/04/2018 19:41

"Same old story.

They are NEVER friends with the old guy form Accounting.

Let me guess, they have the same taste in music?

It's like a blardy script"

Who is THEY in this post? I've been friends with all sorts of people at work - young old male female - am I a THEY????

Angelf1sh · 17/04/2018 19:55

I don’t think it’s weird either, I’m almost 40 and go out with people in my team who are 25. The fact that he told you about meeting her and swapping numbers makes me think you don’t need to worry (which you might if he’d hidden it). Plus she’s suggesting a couples meet up, if he were in the early days of an affair, there’s no way he’d want you and her boyfriend out with them and possibly picking up on signals/tensions. I think you’re fine here. Get a babysitter and enjoy a night out, you might make a new friend yourself.

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